It's good if you posted the prompt such as "topic of choice" or "significant achievement" etc.... Then we would have an idea as to comment in line with those expected features.
Throughout our lives we get opportunities to make a difference, a change to either our self, or the life of someone around us.
.... I suggest you to rephrase this slightly;
Throughout our lives we get opportunities to make a difference, to adapt in new environments and to change ourselves.Every day we seek for that opportunity which lays in front of us, yet we are too blind to see it and pray for a spark to set the fire inside us to be the change that we want to see; an epiphany.
... this sentence is too long and therefore it doesn't flow very well. I suggest you to rephrase it.
It took him almost two years to save up that typeamount of money, because inwith our financial situation saving money was difficult but not impossible.
I had my spark and my path of education laid out before me, but to achieve it we as a family had to work together.
I wish if you do not complicate your sentence with too many words that give a sort of crowded feeling to your idea.... Tell things in a simple, yet interesting tone. The first part really does not reveal much to the reader although you have included too many things there. Don't have your writing too crowded