'everything she has to teach me' - Common Application: Maddy

The Common Application Essay - 500 words

I jumped into the seat of my 1990 Cavalier. The giddy laugh of two teenagers acting recklessly floated in the wide open windows and mixed with the static pop blaring from the radio. The carefree faces of my sister and best friend looking through the wrong side of my windshield seemed comical. Their knuckles were pale from gripping the rim of the hood. Their legs sliding back and forth as we weaved around scattered lights. One turn too fast. Too tight. And my sister tumbled off the side of the hood. The sickening thud of her body hitting the pavement broke through the autumn night.

I was wading through quicksand as I stumbled out of the driver's seat and sprinted to her side. I remembered thinking that the worst thing that would happen was that Maddy would tell my mom about our reckless behavior. But as I caught sight of my sister lying on the pavement I knew that our problems were substantially bigger. I was aware of every moment. How her body was limp and unmoving. The blood soaking through her purple jacket. She looked insubstantial under the flickering parking lot lights. I moved without comprehending the situation. My mind was cloudy with fear for my baby sister.

I cradled my sister in my arms as Ashley and I jumped into the car. Maddy was whimpering incomprehensibly. She was trying to focus on my eyes as I whispered soothing lies. You're fine, sweetheart. It's just a bump. We few down the abandoned roads, daring to be pulled over. The car skidded to a stop in front of the Emergency Room and I was left to carry her limp body through the daunting automatic doors.

All motion stood still for a second as I entered the waiting room. Everyone looked up from their own preoccupying injuries and illnesses to witness the macabre scene. Motion returned in full speed as we were surrounded by a dozen swarming nurses in brightly colored scrubs. Maddy was placed on a thin hospital bed and the nurses and doctors converged on her like flies. My sister was made to look even tinier by the wires and tubes covering her body. She was poked, prodded, shaved and stitched. My shame had reduced me to a place where I couldn't even cry. I just stared blankly at the foreign scene before me as time blurred by.

One fractured skull, two massive pavement burns, thirteen stitches, one lining of the brain torn, two more endless days of doctors and Maddy was finally able to hold a conversation. While I blamed myself for not protecting my baby sister, she amazingly didn't even consider it. Instead she looked to me for help. I was the only person that she would let assist her, and I did not take my responsibility lightly. Maddy continues to be affected by headaches and has to be careful. We haven't suddenly developed the perfect relationship, but I now appreciate everything she has to teach me.

Brilliantly written. Reminds me of an accepted Yale essay I read several weeks ago about a similar story.

My mind was cloudy with fear for my baby sister. ==> My mind was fogged with fear for my baby sister.