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I exceeded the negatives and stepped back to the top; First taste of contentment

Eiram_love 1 / -  
Aug 14, 2013   #1
This is an essay for ACET. The question is, Are there any significant experiences or achievements you have had that have helped to define you as a person?

Please proofread this for me... And if possible criticisms. It would be welcomed whole heartedky. :))

School is like a different world filled with people carrying heavy textbooks. This is the place were we learned Science, Math and other major subjects like its some foreign language- new, advanced and quite frustrating. An arena for teenagers to overcome there fears and drama, to train their personalities and attitudes with different ups and downs as a high schooler and to learn the basics in surviving the next door towards your chosen career. A stage for students to bow down with the fruits of their labor dangling around their necks.

Each one of us have their own fruits of labor. Its a prize worth to be recognized, boasted even just for an hour and protected with one's pride. If one didn't received any recognition for his good labor, the feeling of rejection will willed himself to end his effort. Like most of every teenagers, I felt that rejection. I would drop down in defeat and cursed myself for being a pathetic person, wishing to be greater. This was part of the transiting stage were I was stuck in the porthole with doubts squeezing me in.

It was in my Freshman year when realization hit me like a charging moose. Back then, I asked myself, "why couldn't I made it to the Honor roll? I already toiled with so much effort that nothing rewarding seem to bear fruit". It was depressing in my case, since I used to be part in the Honor roll when I was still in elementary. When I first entered high school, I started to spend most of my time cooped up in my room doing paperworks and going in and out from school rather than staying inside the house and taking a breather with my family. When the first test results were shown, my whole world seems to crumble beneath my feet.

I felt wasted, unappreciated. Mild depression gripped on me for a while, negative thoughts swarming inside my brain and mentally beating myself to pulp. My efforts from the past years seem to be a mile away. But the merciless blows of reprimand mixed with soft but firm advises from my parents knocked me back to my senses and it gradually seeps into my mind, keeping me motivated throughout the years with sheer determination, not just to please their expectations but also to satisfy and prove to myself that I can do better. It was then I felt the heavy impact of the responsibilities and mistakes that slowly shaped me to who I am right now.

In the end, I could happily say that I exceeded the negatives and stepped back to the top, maintaining that stand. The wish I made cannot be easily granted by a mere flick of a hand. Rather, to achieve that wish- that dream- is to push yourself over the limits, to try over different things and accept what's at fault. We are human beings after all. We are perfected in our own imperfect ways, polished by our different experiences we tend to encounter in the road to success. We tend to commit thousands of mistakes but we all pick up the lessons that are vital in living the unpredictable reality.
shadman19922 21 / 74 10  
Aug 16, 2013   #2
An arena for teenagers to overcome there(their) fears and drama.

Avoid informal English words like "Didn't", except in dialogue.

I like your description on how you were being knocked down. But I do kinda feel that your description of your recovery needs to be lengthier to properly counter the fact that you were being knocked down. I do have a bit of an issue with the general content though, partially because (Absolutely no offense intended) it sounds a bit generic. You can try improving it to make it stand out. Oh, and try some fancy vocabulary to improve the answer

Home / Undergraduate / I exceeded the negatives and stepped back to the top; First taste of contentment
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