Thanks for reading and critiquing!
I began my college search looking for a university that would be academically challenging, intellectually engaging, and financially possible. I had of course heard of Stanford many years ago and dreamed of one day going, but had dismissed it early in my search as financially impossible to attend. Imagine my elation when I soon found that not only was it possible for me to financially attend but that it was indeed the perfect college for me. I'd found a university that is not just about the knowledge learned in the classroom but also about the wisdom imparted by the professors and the creativity expressed by every individual. Nothing could be more perfect for me than to be surrounded by peers that share my intense thirst for wisdom and knowledge.
It is no surprise to those that know me that I don't get excited easily, as there are few things in life that I consider to be worth excessive enthusiasm. However, knowing that there is in fact a college that believes in top quality education, encourages diversity, and desires creative and active students is enough to make me want to skip down the hallways of my high school. I could not create a more perfect college experience than the one that exists at Stanford. In addition to the academic and diversity elements of Stanford that appeal to me, I desire to take part in several clubs of personal interest to me, including Christians in Business, the GSB Show, perhaps Rugby Club and definitely GSB Gives Back. I look forward to all this and more that I could not possibly foresee in my future years at Stanford.
I feel like your essay is a bit generic until the ending sentences. It could be an answer that anyone could write. What makes it you? What makes it SPECIFICALLY right for you that no other college can, or anyone else can relate to? Be more specific.
Here's a different first paragraph, keeping the same second paragraph.
Having a summer birthday, it was up to my parents to put me in either the class where I would be older than most everyone or in the class where I would be younger. This decision became easy for them to make as soon as my older sister by a little less than two years began preschool. She would come home and tell me what she learned while I absorbed every tasty morsel of knowledge that I could. Unfortunately for my parents, this sudden and vast intake of new information caused me to never cease talking with great excitement about all the new and interesting basics that I was learning. By first grade, I was calculating three figure addition problems in my head faster than my dad, a computer programmer, could. My thirst for knowledge and wisdom has not slowed down one bit in all my years of college. Therefore, I began my college search looking for a university that would be both academically challenging and intellectually engaging. That was when I discovered Stanford.
The "uniqueness" in your essay is some sort of overused. " academically challenging, intellectually engaging" are common to every university. You should do some research on Stanford's site and specify your interest into specific things such as a unique course in Stanford, its Cantor Art Center, its "let wind of freedom blows" motto, or its unique architecture.
