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I am not exclusively Caucasian or Black ; My diverse lifestyle and culture


titanswim 3 / 7  
Jul 29, 2010   #1
Please write an essay of at least 250 words. This personal essay helps up become acquainted with you as a person and student, apart from courses, grades, and other ojective data.

Prompt: Topic of Your Choice

Let me know what you think about the concept, grammar, etc. Thanks!

7:46 AM. Beads of sweat roll down my forehead from the fluorescent lights radiating upon my skin. I have only been seated for several minutes, yet already my palms are clammy, my lips tremble, and my nerves consume me. An intimidating patrolman paces back and forth in front of me, offering no escape. My captors have forced me to surrender my name, address, and social security number. I am unaware of what the next few hours hold, but I know the answers I give are crucial. Then, like a deer in the headlights, I am blindsided. I have been asked a question, which feels like a ploy designed to make me falter. In order to defend myself I grab my weapon of choice...a Ticonderoga #2 pencil. I turn back to the bubble sheet in front of me and look over the question again.

Since my first standardized test I have always been asked, "How would you describe your race/ethnicity?" I have always understood the question; however, each time I am only given three plausible options: A. Caucasian, B. Black/African-American, and C. Other. As I look over each option, none of them ever seem to fit. I am not exclusively Caucasian; I am not exclusively Black; and I would hate to describe myself as an "Other". Rather, I would prefer to say that I am a blend of cultures, background, and experiences. Unfortunately, this has yet to become a bubble space on any test.

My race and ethnicity have been molded and formed by the cultural experiences I've encountered from both my Caucasian mother and Black father. My father was raised in the third-world country of Guyana, having to work at a young age to support his family. At the same time, my mother attended a predominantly white private school in urban Seattle. They were raised in drastically different countries, family structures, and financial situations, yet found a way to work together. This partnership has given me many quirky characteristics which distinguish me from my peers: a yearlong tan which sticks no matter how cold Seattle weather may be, an eye color which even I cannot identify, and a first name which is unheard of now, but will soon become a universal symbol of success.

While my parent's cultural backgrounds are the predominant influences in defining my ethnicity, I have still been shaped by other experiences. I have had the opportunity to watch a Broadway production and discuss politics with a gay republican, all in one night. I have gone down to the Podunk town of Fortuna, California with relatives for fun days filled with watermelon eating contests, hay bailing, and a good ol' rodeo. I have even spent a night attempting to sing traditional Korean karaoke to celebrate a friend's birthday. And I can't forget to mention the customs passed on by my Guyanese relatives. I have seen them tie string around their toes to remedy an upset stomach, make soup out of a root to ease pregnancy, and make juice from the bark of a tree.

While it may be frustrating that I can never full-heartedly answer the question "How would you describe your race/ethnicity?", I am elated to know that my ethnicity doesn't have to be assigned to a bubble. No bubble will ever express the depth or authenticity of my life, and I'm perfectly fine with that. I will always continue to learn, grow, and shape this piece of art which I call my culture; making it only harder to pinpoint. I know that this journey throughout college will further immerse me in unique experiences. So as I sit here writing with my Ticonderoga #2 pencil I can only wait in anticipation for what lies ahead.
ershad193 14 / 333 5  
Jul 30, 2010   #2
Beads of sweat roll down my forehead from the fluorescent lights radiating upon my skin.

I was slightly confused by this sentence. It would be better if you can write a clearer version.

I have only been seated for several minutes

"only" and "several" don't sound compatible...maybe, it can be like this -- only been seated for a few minutes

I also thought, the second paragraph could start with a better transition.

third-world country

-- This is an outdated term. Don't use it.

This is a good essay...very interesting concept.
OP titanswim 3 / 7  
Jul 30, 2010   #3
Thanks for the great advice. What if I replaced "third-world country" with "underdeveloped country" ?
Antebellum 1 / 7  
Jul 30, 2010   #4
That would be an improvement. You might also want to consider "Developing country". Looking up the related wikipedia article might offer you more insight.
Nancy1 - / 1  
Jul 30, 2010   #5
if you facing any problem in this then you can take help.Grammar101.com provides professional English Proofreading Services, Essay Editing, Book Editing and Manuscript Proofreading Services.
Juniper_Jumper 5 / 39  
Jul 30, 2010   #6
I think you spend too much time on "capturing" the readers attention with the first paragraph. I would recommend just starting with the second paragraph and tuning it so that it can stand alone as a solid lead. What I mean is, it messes up the train of thought. The first time I read it I was thinking: wait, what? and sorry for saying, it feels like it's an oversold gambit. and in my opinion it is. other than that, I loved it. the second half of the essay is great, it puts across the idea of diversity that youre trying to play up. it would be an intriguing addition if you could add a bit of the feeling of a culture conflict, an experience where it's more of an external impetus initiating an internal conflict. a comment you got from someone that made you think "what's that supposed to mean?" that kind of experience. probably find a better ending sentence, i dont think the pencil is really your focus, you should end with something like saying: but now, I know who I am. I am ____, even other, if you want. Other than that, I think you're right on with where you should go with this essay. Good job :)
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jul 31, 2010   #7
and I would hate to describe myself as an "Other". Rather, I would prefer to say that I am a blend of cultures, background, and experiences. Unfortunately, this has yet to become a bubble space on any test.

Excellent stuff right here. I like all of your writing, but I almost think you should scrap paragraph 1 and let this be paragraph one. It gets right to the point in a beautiful way and lets the reader know what you are writing about.

Oh, I see how the number 2 pencil thing comes up at the end, so that is cool. Still, the intro is overblown a little. But anyway, this is super impressive.


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