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Exercise Biology - Transfer UC ;What is your intended major?


cweis 3 / 15  
Nov 30, 2013   #1
Prompt: What is your intended major? - Discuss how your interest in the subject developed and describe any experience you have had in the field-such as volunteer work, internships and employment, participation in student organizations and activities-and what you have gained from your involvement.

For most of my life, the morning routine usually began by helping my father out of bed, as it was too difficult for him to do it on his own. My father was diagnosed with fibromyalgia when I was only seven and received news of a herniated disc only the next year. Not only was he disabled by these physical difficulties, but his diet mainly consisted of pepsi and pretzels, with unsightly results in his body shape. From that point forward, the pain made it not only difficult for him to move, but it was also made it difficult for him to enjoy life. I always dreamed of playing basketball or racing my father, but I knew that is highly unlikely that it would ever happen. As years passed, I became more and more interested in how the body is supposed to perform during movement, with special interest in my father's condition. This initiated the desire to understand the subjects of nutrition, physical activity, and biomechanics- all encompassed within exercise biology.

My interest in exercise biology only grew stronger when I was given the opportunity to work as an assistant to an Adaptive Physical Education teacher. Visiting all of the elementary schools in my area, I worked with children that had either mental or physical disabilities- or both in some cases. My contributions included performing stretches on various muscle areas, creating innovative activities that improve motor skills and hand-eye coordination, and teaching basic routine skills, like buttoning a shirt. Every child was unique; each had their own obstacles to overcome. I created a special bond with one child in particular. His name was Nick, and he had muscular dystrophy. Every week we helped him out of his wheelchair, using multiple stretches to slow the rate of his muscle deterioration. Although his condition confined him to the shackles of a wheelchair, he did not let it limit the quality of his life experiences. His drive to become class president and earn straight As inspired me to pursue my own life ambitions. I am determined to help people overcome their physical limitations, for which my ultimate goal is to become a physical therapist.

There are many people in the world just like Nick and my father who need help in overcoming their disabilities. I am going to be the one who will help the fallen soldier walk again after he loses his leg in battle. I am going to be the one who helps the young pitcher throw again in time for his next baseball game. I am going to be the one who will help mend the dreams of the broken and suffering. Every time I reminisce on these experiences, my deterministic spirit is refreshed by the realization that someday I will help someone to the path of recovery and a brighter future.

I would really appreciate any feedback! This is extremely important to me.

dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Dec 1, 2013   #2
For most of my life, the morning routine usually began by helping my father out of bed, as it was too difficult for him to do it on his own

I find some redundancy in this line :(
For most of my life, the morning routine usually began with helping my father out of bed because he could not manage it on his own.

My father was diagnosed with fibromyalgia when I was only seven and received news of a herniated disc only the next year.

My father had fibromyalgia when I was only seven and the next year he was diagnosed with herniated disc.

Not only was he disabled by these physical difficulties, but his diet mainly consisted of pepsi and pretzels, with unsightly results in his body shape

... I am not clear about the latter part :(

From that point forward, the pain made it not only difficult for him to move, but it was also made it difficult for him to enjoy life.

From that point onward, he suffered a severe pain when trying to move and kept away from enjoying life.


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