I am not a great writer, so I have problems with coming up with good ideas, forming good phrases and maintaining flow.
I'm not done with the essay.
I need to elaborate on the conclusion.
Please could you guys help me by
1) Commenting on the overall focus of the essay
2) saying whether I revealed who I am and how i think like
While attending a history class lecture two years ago, I came across a photograph of an old man who had been shot on the battlefield. In the photo, he was captured in mid-fall with a rifle in his right hand. A few months later, I saw this image again, but in reality.
A man standing next to me collapsed as gunshots echoed through the parking lot. He was pale and his facial expression was tense while his arms and legs drooped down lifelessly as if he could not withstand gravity's pull. Screaming and crying, people ran to him as they pointed accusing fingers at the militant who had shot him. Some tried to retaliate against the gunman but failed, as other Gaddafi's soldiers bashed the bruised faces of the assailants with metal batons. Feeling threatened, my parents pulled me into the small airport building.
Inside, thousands of Egyptian migrant workers sat in uncomfortable positions wearing little more than their gray, unwashed wool blankets and dusty clothes as they waited for a plane to take them back home. To buy the ticket for their savior aircraft, they shared leftover water in bins and gave up food. In such a plight, the workers waited for more than two weeks to escape from the bloody wind of Arab Spring.
Ironically, instead of sending an aircraft to save its people, the Egyptian government lent a plane to the Korean government in exchange for money. A public servant, my father taught me that governments strive to protect their citizens. However, the workers, who are legitimate citizens of Egypt, were completely ignored, even betrayed by their government. If the government is the first one to abandon the less fortunate people, who can they rely on?
When I was walking to the gate for boarding procedure, I stopped and looked back at the Egyptians. Some were unconscious due to dehydration, some were praying to Allah, and some merely stared at me and other Koreans who were evacuating. Seeing the eyes of the workers, I could not take another step. I felt that I could have been the one in that abject situation, with all hopes crushed by the most trusted entity.
Pushed by the stampede of other Koreans trying to get on the plane, I boarded, and soon the plane departed for Cairo, Egypt. I believe that I owe the 20,000 Egyptians I saw that day, if only for the fact that I was able to fly to their homeland in comfort while they could not. Thus, I promised myself to establish an organization of my own to aid the ones whom the government fails to reach.
Before, I wanted a higher level of education just because of the perks it would bring. However, this eye-opening experience and my goal of life gave me a reason, the true motivation, for me to pursue an advanced level of education.