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'Expanding my experience and compassion' - UW System Statement/Essay Review


HThompson 1 / -  
Nov 10, 2012   #1
Please tell us about the particular life experiences, talents, commitments and/or interests you will bring to our campus that will enrich our community. (The introduction and conclusion are not quite done, but can you review whats done so far and I will update the thread!)

(This is the Milwaukee one)

I have discovered that the University of Wisconsin Milwaukee is the perfect institution that meets both of my necessary needs, and will allow me to flourish as a student and person. The qualities I think I can bring to the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee are compassion, my strong work ethic, personal drive, and years of working with teammates to achieve success.

I try to positively impact other people lives, specifically kids with my volunteer work at Phantom Lake YMCA Camp. The last four years, I have put nearly five hundred hours into being a counselor, helping make children's summers the best parts of their lives, but also educating them about life and how to succeed in their own way. Every year, I honestly reconsidered going back, because of the forty hour demanding work week. Each day, I created a schedule of activities to run for the children; hours spent researching activities, themes, and a way to work ethics into the activities. Each day is full of surprises; you never know what's going to happen, whether it changes for the worst, or for the best. After all these years of participating however, I wouldn't trade it for anything. Seeing how kids come back every year, small children being away from their parents for first time ever, just to come and have fun, really impacts me as a person, and affected who I am today.

I firmly believe that in order to become successful in life, one requires a solid work ethic. At a young age, I was diagnosed with attention deficit disorder, and it seemed no medicine would be able to help me deal with it. It was frustrating trying to meet my teachers and my parent's highest expectations. I tried never to treat it as an excuse for myself though, and in the last few years gone untreated and countered it with my own will to achieve. Each year my grades improved, and now I don't take any medicine at all. In my college career, I plan not to let this affect my future success.

By joining the community at the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee I could further myself as a person, and get the necessary knowledge and experience to. The Center for Volunteerism & Student Leadership offered at Milwaukee is one I can contribute both my experience and compassion to. At the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee I would not only be a student but a leader, and active community volunteer.
Jennyflower81 - / 690 96  
Nov 17, 2012   #2
Hi :) Great job so far! I have some suggestions.

I have discovered that the University of Wisconsin Milwaukee is the perfect institution that meets both of my necessary needs, and will allow me to flourish as a student and person.

I tryalways strive to positively impact other people lives, specificallyespecially with kids withfor my volunteer work at Phantom Lake YMCA Camp. During t he last four years, I have put nearly five hundred hours into being a counselor.I have helped make children's summers the best parts of their lives, byalso educating them about life and how to succeed in their own way.

Every year, I honestly reconsidered going back, because of the demanding forty hour demanding work week.

However, a fter all these years of participating,however, I wouldn't trade it for anything.

I tried never to treat itnever used it as an excuse for myself though, and in the last few years I havegone untreatedmaintained focus and countered it with my own will to achieve.


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