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"Without any Expectations"- Motivational Statement Essay for Peace Corps Application

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Dec 14, 2018   #1
Prompt: Peace Corps service presents major physical, emotional, and intellectual challenges. In the space below, please provide a few paragraphs explaining your reasons for wanting to serve as a Peace Corps Volunteer and how you plan to overcome the various challenges associated with Peace Corps service. This essay is the writing sample Peace Corps uses to assess your professionalism and maturity as a candidate. Please spend time editing your essay/writing sample (less than 500 words).

"Without any Expectations of Reciprocation"

At the age of 33 years old, am I now only beginning to realize what life is all about. Throughout the years, I have experienced life in its most glorious moments as well as its most difficult and challenging events. We come to learn so much about ourselves as human beings when we undertake and achieve our junctures of trials and tribulations. I am coming to learn the true and most definite meaning of self-determination and conscientiousness. Which is why I have chosen to follow the cause and efforts that this organization provides for human life. I personally have always felt a strong duty and tremendous passion within me to help others enrich their lives, whilst at the same time enhancing my own. My proudest moments in life comes from my altruistic nature of providing acts of love and kindness towards my community without any expectation of reciprocation, a commitment that I feel is also expressed within Peace Corps own mission statement.

For several years, I have constructed my whole being around becoming an educator for the youth in my community. From teaching children how to swim to becoming an Outreach Leader for Girl Scouts Heart of Central California and encouraging self esteem, empowerment, strength, and independence. Additionally, included in the illustrious moments of my life's attainments are the rewarding encounters I've had as a Behavioral Therapist for children with severe and high functioning autism. However, there is still so much love I have left to give and I'm ready to explore the world with my heart on my sleeve in appreciation and endearment for all people within it.

I am fully aware of the adverse circumstances and challenges that will arise from being a Peace Corps volunteer, and I am without a doubt willing to subject myself to any difficult situation that may emerge as I have become cultured in learning that our mind expands when we are capable of thinking outside of the box. Personally, I perceive that life should be about practicality and simplicity. I have never found myself to be a materialistic person, and would rather prefer a book to read over a social media posting on my phone. As I have much growing and maturity to do, I am a very self-driven individual determined to discover my independence in different ways. Nonetheless, I also know how important it is to communicate with peers throughout the community and reach out for help or assistance when needed. We can never know, if we never ask. It is my aspiration in life to help people, even if in the smallest of ways, without any expectation of reciprocation and to understand the vast differences we have in the company of others. I believe that is one of the most phenomenal achievements that one can gain from life.

Holt [Contributor] - / 9,041 2728  
Dec 15, 2018   #2
Serena, professionally, I would say that you are qualified to become a Peace Corps volunteer based on what you have written. It is strong and shows that you will be a very useful asset to the program. However, your essay does not indicate a preparedness, both mentally, physically, and emotionally, to face the difficulties of becoming a Peace Corps member. In order to prove that you have the maturity to become a participant, you need to prove that you are capable of living in squalor, without money, and without proper living facilities. A Peace Corps volunteer needs to highlight a strength of character, based on the harsh working and living conditions one experiences during this time. You have to prove that you can manage to function without money and the comforts of modern life, because those will be sorely missing during your time as a volunteer. I don't see any sense of that sort of preparedness in this essay.

Like I said, you are professionally capable, but the essay shows that you many not be mature in the ways that matter to a Peace Corps volunteer. You need to write another version that better highlights your maturity on all fronts: personal, mental, physical, emotional, social, etc. All of which will help the reviewer assess your overall maturity and preparedness for one of the most difficult volunteer experiences a person can step forward to participate in.
OP HikeBikeRepeat 1 / 1  
Dec 16, 2018   #3
Thank you so much for your feedback. I'm not sure how to express myself in any traumatic way, it is difficult for me. I have taken your responses into consideration and have revised my essay accordingly towards the prompt provided. Other than that, do you believe there are any grammatical errors in my essay?
Holt [Contributor] - / 9,041 2728  
Dec 16, 2018   #4
While there are grammatical errors and sentence structure issues with your writing, the fact that I am asking you to revise the presentation negates the problems in your writing skills. You should only worry about the grammar issues of your presentation once you have completed your final draft. Once the content is correct, you can begin revising the essay in terms of grammar issues and final presentation formatting. If you have not gotten to that point yet, which you haven't, then asking me about the writing problem of your essay is useless. Write your revised essay first, then have it reviewed here, if I approve it, then you can work on correcting the presentation aspect of your essay.

Don't worry about the grammar problems for now. Focus only on improving the content based on the issues I pointed out. Without improving your content, your essay will not be strong enough to compete amongst the other essays presented by better equipped and experienced applicants. Don't confuse yourself, the grammar issues are not the priority for your essay development at this moment.

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