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Essay about an experience or accomplishment which has shaped you as a person

shefickle 1 / -  
Sep 11, 2022   #1

one significant experience or accomplishment that has helped you define as a person

At first, I believed that everything would go as planned. Everything is going exactly as I want it to. I was raised by having all of my wants and needs met. I'm the happiest girl on the planet. I was transferred to a new section when I was in seventh grade. I met this group of people who became my friends. We spent a lot of time together, and that's how I got to know them. I dislike them a lot, and our decisions aren't always in sync. We split up and fought, and I became a loner. They approached me after a month and asked what was wrong with me. I realized I was the cause of problems, it was my pride and ego.

Years passed, and I was in ninth grade when I met this boy. The boy who made me feel something unique. I'd always wanted to look into the boy's eyes. The boy who makes me want to go to school. I was totally in love. We are always together, studying, hanging out, eating, and talking a lot. I am ecstatic that this man treats me like a princess, that he understands me, and that he accepts me for who I am. I'm eased that I don't have to change myself for him. Months have passed, and I do not understand him; he is not the same person he used to be, and he has begun to argue with me. I am so frustrated and broke up with him because of the way he treats me. The first few months are nothing to me because it is not my loss; I know he lost something that would truly care for him as a result of his actions. After a year, I noticed that he had fallen in love again, and I had also found another. This is when I realized I had let him down. I was treated so badly by this recent boy that I realized I was the problem in my previous relationship. Again, it was my pride and ego that caused me to lose him. I didn't notice he was tired because of how I acted, so I ended my relationship with him. The boy I lost is the best man any girl could ask for. I realized he is so unique that I am not asking for the bare minimum. I was so lucky back then that I didn't even realize it. I ended my most recent relationship and was grieving for the past man. That man is so happy now, and I saw his eyes being treated properly by this new girl. I'm having relapses about him right now. My pride and ego ruined something very special to me. When I was in 11th grade, I transferred to another school to begin a new life and environment. I made a lot of friends, and that's when I started thinking about myself. I began to second-guess every decision I made. I'm always afraid of losing and ruining something special. I also began to set limits and boundaries for myself and others. My priorities have shifted to self-love and self-care. I concentrated my efforts on becoming the best version of myself and honing my feminine energy.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,204 4317  
Sep 11, 2022   #2
The text is too compressed on the page. It lacks proper formatting based on paragraph focus and content. Please remember that the essay needs to be easy to read so the idea presentations need to be spaced out in a cohesive form. This essay does not come across as well presented due to the difficulty in reading the content. This is at least a 4 paragraph essay from what I can see.

Time referencing is an issue in this essay. The writer cannot make up his mind as to whether to use the past tense, past perfect tense, or present tense. It makes the material confusing to read. It is difficult to understand what the writer's point actually is. I do not see any significant experience (singular form) or accomplishment in this essay. It is just a reflective look at the lovelife of the writer, which is not what the essay is about. Specially since it comes across more as a series of events and experiences rather than the singular significant experience requirement. I am afraid this essay does not meet the prompt guidelines.

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