This is my supplement it's rough. Please help and be brutal I won't get offended.
1. St. Ignatius of Loyola, founder of the Society of Jesus, encouraged his followers to live their lives in the service of others. How do you plan to serve others in your future endeavors?
There is no sight or sound in the world that is better than a child's laughter. Twelve years old, I walked through the hallways of the Children's Hospital at Dartmouth with my two best friends to be thanked for the donations that we had made the previous month. Walking through the children's wing of the Dartmouth-Hitchcock Medical Center, I had a chance to see the affect that our donations had on the children in the hospital. I noticed the smiles and laughter of the children as they played with the new toys that our donations had bought them. I remember thinking to myself, "this has to be the greatest feeling in the world."
Growing up, when kids still had birthday parties, my two best friends and I gathered all of our friends and family to come together to celebrate our birthdays. Instead of presents, we asked everyone to contribute money donations that we would send to aid "CHaD" in any way they saw fit. I want to widen my aspiration to make a difference in the lives of children who are in need. I intend to bring my determination to my college environment to best learn how I may impact the lives of the future. As someone who's grown up in a tight-knit community, I've learned how one member's respect and contribution can make a difference, but I know that there's always more that can be done.
Improving the lives of children is important to me because I want to ensure that they have equal opportunities to perform as influential citizens of the future. This way, everyone in the community has opportunity to grow and contribute. I intend to continue to donate to children's care, and will encourage my peers to do the same; to seek the same sense of satisfaction that I felt the first time I walked through the halls of the CHaD medical center. Children are the future, and deserve an equal chance to make a difference in the world.
At Twelve years old, I walked through the hallways of the Children's Hospital in Dartmouth with my two best friends to be thanked for the donations that we had made the previous month.
This sounds kind of strange. Try rewording it.
Change "children's ward" to pediatric ward
otherwise pretty good.
