While filming my documentary short film in India on deaf school children, I walked around one school in search of potential subjects. I pulled the camera strap around my neck and screwed the camera body onto the tripod. Panning from left to right, I filmed the kids playing with each other. Through my lens, I captured the essence of their daily lives. The background, eerily void of dialogue, was filled with bursts of high-pitched squeals as they ran around in the sand playing games. Engrossed with filming, I was caught off guard when they broke from their play to surround me. A couple of them pushed the smallest kid, a boy no older than five, to the front of the group. He giggled, staring at me and my strange equipment. Then he turned his hands in a series of motions, communicating something to his friends, and taking my hand led me back to my camera. I removed it from its tripod to capture a photo of him with his friends. He nudged my shirt, indicating that he wanted to see the picture. I knelt down, instantly surrounded by small faces, keen to view the LCD screen. Smiles and thumbs-up indicated what their voices could not. To this day, I do not know which is more valuable: raising the money for the school through a screening or sharing the experience with these children.
short film in India on deaf school children
Should be "about deaf school children"
You have a good story to work off of, but overall it seems inconclusive. I feel like you need to focus more on 1 impact that the experience had on you, rather than simply explaining what was going on and ending it with a sentence saying that you don't know what was more valuable. The "don't know" statement should be taken out-- you don't want to tell the colleges you're applying to that you are an unsure person. Just say that they were both very valuable, or if you do decide to focus on one point, say that that point was very valuable. BUT you need to tie this experience into yourself. Who you are. What has this experience done for you? Have you changed? Does this impact who you are as a person? Because the colleges want to know about YOU, not your trip or what you might have learned.
Good luck!
I couldn't catch anything grammatical but like SuppiSteph said, I think you should expand on your story. You have a very unique experience so your essay should be unique as well. You spend a lot of time talking about the actual event but not enough on its effects on you. Perhaps speak about how it has transformed you or what else you have done. Good luck!
