Unanswered [9] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 3


An experience that either demonstrates your character... - U Washington


daft123 5 / 8  
Dec 25, 2009   #1
Hey I could really use help and honest opinions and advice, Thanks!
(Corrections, suggestions, and grammatical advice would be greatly appreciated)

B) Tell us a story from your life, describing an experience that either demonstrates your character or helped to shape it.

It was a Friday afternoon and school had ended early, leaving my friends and me with nothing better to do than to pursue our culinary interests and try deep frying. What could go wrong with hot oil, zucchini, potatoes and three girls with no previous deep frying experience?

My father had bought a small deep fryer that was the perfect size for fries and fried zucchini but as I did not know how to turn it on I had to resort to using a pan half full of oil. As one can predict when we dropped those water retaining vegetables into the oil it did not go well. Hot oil flew up and spilled everywhere, running down the cabinets below the cook top. Every fire alarm in the house was going off and the kitchen was filled with smoke.

I immediately sprung into action opening windows, covering the pan and cleaning up oil. It just so happened that this was a day my father chose to come home early. He walked in the house to find every window in the kitchen open and my friends and I mopping up oil and vegetable bits. Though my father saw the incident as a greasy mess I found the experience brought out a part of me that only grown since that day. Through all the panic and fear I had kept a level head and did everything I could to fix the problem. Whether faced with oil and undercooked vegetables or obstacles in my educational goals and life, I continue to stay level headed, a trait that has helped me throughout high school and one I will use to help me succeed as a woman in the engineering and computer world.
joonghoon5 3 / 9  
Dec 26, 2009   #2
It was a Friday afternoon, and my school had ended early, ~~

My father had bought a small deep fryer that was a perfect size for the fries and the fried zucchini; however, because I did not know how to turn it on, I had to resort to using a pan half full of oil <- I don't get what it means...

When we dropped those water retaining vegetables into the oil, things didn't turn out well.

that grew since that day.

The last sentence does not really fit into what your essay talked about...
I hope you would discuss more about your emotions as you were going through it, and what you did to stop that with more explanations.

Your essay is not bad. It just contains some grammar errors (comma errors), and it is too short to give readers to understand about you.

Good luck!
OP daft123 5 / 8  
Dec 26, 2009   #3
Thank you so much!


Home / Undergraduate / An experience that either demonstrates your character... - U Washington
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳