Michigan short answer 1:Share an experience through which you have gained respect for intellectual, social, or cultural differences. Comment on how your personal experiences and achievements would contribute to the diversity of the University of Michigan.
please help... i really want to submit as soon as possible``` any suggestion/advice is welcome!
Breathtaking. Giant trees kept sunlight away from the heart of the holy forest. Even birds vanished. Arcane song in an unfamiliar language, perhaps also the glimmer strike notes from all women's silver jewelries, are the only sounds I heard. I stood in the middle of the crowd which formed by 88 female relatives I barely know, dressed in a suit of exotic dress that would be superseded by another in 15 minutes, and felt faint. The oldest woman in tribe came to me with a blue and black dress; solemnity showed on her face...
It is not a movie or a day-dream; I experienced this ritual called "costume changing" as an Adulthood Ceremony for Yi girls, personally. A half of my blood belongs to Yi, one of the 55 Chinese minorities that inhabit in the southeast China, though I never paid attention. So, my mom took me to the tribe in my 17, to, quote, "let you gain some respect to your blood".
And I suddenly did, after experienced this holy moment. My interest and understanding of Yi dramatically increased. The awfulness to humanity-nature harmony makes Yi people live a naive or even original life, but hundreds of times happier than city dwellers, while have a strong responsibility to their living environment, because trees are their gods, birds and dogs are their benefactors. I hope one day I can bring this part of my cultural diversity to Michigan, and also my reverence to nature and humanity. I feel a strong impulse to share my viewpoint of simple and joyful life like Yi's, and their special singing and dancing style, with Michigan.
Hi, cissylewel,
I loved your story! I have many questions now; you have piqued my curiosity.
There are many grammatical errors, though, how soon do you have to turn it in??
Is this an application essay or...what? It is important for me to know why you are writing it so I can prioritize my feedback. Let me know.
It is a great subject/story, though! I will be googling the Yi while I wait for your response if you are still on here... :)
Blue skies!
Jeannie
hi, thank you so much!
please help with my grammartical errors~~ this is an application essay```for UMich.
thank you for your interest!
I stood in the middle of the crowd which formed by 88 female ... The oldest woman in the tribe came to me with ...
AH alf of my blood belongs to ... So, my mom took me to the tribe in myat 17, to, quote, ...
And I suddenly did, afterI experienced this holy moment.
Hi, again! I have a major eye-headache, so I went to Word to do some corrections in bigger font. I will explain in more detail tomorrow when I have rested my old eyeballs, but here is the revision. Compare it to what you wrote sentence by sentence, and see if it seems to make sense. Sorry I can't be more helpful...
Breathtaking. Giant trees kept sunlight away from the heart of the holy forest. Even birds vanished. Arcane song in an unfamiliar language and the glimmering notes from all the women's silver jewelry were the only sounds I heard. I stood in the middle of a crowd formed of 88 female relatives I barely knew. Each wore a suit of exotic dress that would be exchanged for another in 15 minutes; I felt faint. The oldest woman in the tribe came to me with a blue and black dress; solemnity showed on her face...
It is not a movie or a day-dream. It is a ritual called "costume changing," an Adulthood Ceremony for Yi girls, and I witnessed it personally. Half of my blood belongs to Yi, one of the 55 Chinese minorities that inhabit southeast China. I never paid attention to such things so, when I was 17, my mom took me to the tribe to "let you gain some respect to your blood, and after experiencing this holy moment, I did.
My interest and understanding of Yis dramatically increased. The awe inspired by humanity/nature harmony makes Yi people live a naive or even original life, but they are hundreds of times happier than city dwellers. Yis have a strong responsibility to their living environment, because trees are their gods, and birds and dogs are their benefactors.
I hope one day I can bring this part of my cultural diversity to Michigan, and speak of my reverence toward nature and humanity. I feel a strong impulse to share my viewpoint of the simple and joyful lifestyle of the Yis and describe their special singing and dancing...I dunno, maybe I am just really tired, but this last paragraph is awkward somehow...
Blue skies (and moonlight!) :)
Jeannie
thank you, Jeannie and David !! i really appreciate your help~~~ you are really kind...
PS: Jeannie, it was the ceremony for my incoming adulthood. i was the heroine in that event. ^_^ my mom is Yi, and she thought i haven't enough respect to Yi.. so she brought me there. i want to submit my application tonight.. but thank you anyway.
Ahhh! I thought you were only witnessing the event! Cool! I read some about the Yi people and there beliefs last night. I believe many of the same things, and in fact consider myself a pantheist, so I found Yi culture extremely interesting.
Good luck! It is really a great story and on point for cultural influences that broadened your understanding of other people.
Blue skies!
Jeannie
Jeanie, your contributions are so nice!
Sorry if I already asked you about it. Perhaps you already know about it. It is nice, because you can link people to the list of responses you have given people, and they can see your talent in written communication (if you are applying for a position that requires good communication skills)
Thanks, Kevin! No, I didn't know about contributors. I checked out your link - really great idea for future applications and references! I am happy to contribute, and I asked to join the group. Thank you!
Blue skies! Jeannie
Excellent, thanks! I see that you did get established as a contributor. That's great, and I really appreciate the good energy you are contributing here,
Blue Skies!
