This essay is in its early stages, I'm hoping to get some feedback of any kind. Thank you in advance!
Evaluate a significant risk you have taken or ethical dilemma you have faced and discuss its impact on you.
I stood on the stage marveling at the array of faces before me. The audience stood as well, clapping, smiling, and laughing with enjoyment. This was my reward for my hours of dedication and practice. The warmth in my heart and fluttering in my stomach were even more than the simple satisfaction I had asked for; and at this moment, at the young age of eleven, I knew that it was all worthwhile. Little did I know, however, that this one experience would contribute to something even more spectacular in my years to come.
Performing at Carnegie Hall with the Brooklyn Borough-Wide Band is one of my greatest accomplishments to this day. Yet in the months of preparation leading up to this single event, I faced what, at the time, seemed like a great risk. At eleven years old, hours upon hours of slaving over my clarinet with my band mates did not seem like an exciting way to spend my spare time. As the day drew closer, I grew terrified. Would I make a mistake and embarrass myself? Would I disappoint my director, band mates or family? Most importantly, would I live up to the expectations of myself and others? I loved music and I loved playing, but these questions that constantly popped up in my mind made the task seem daunting. However, today I see my performance at Carnegie Hall not only as an accomplishment, but as one of the most important life lessons I've ever been taught.
As a High School senior in a prestigious Catholic school, much is expected of me. These expectations can only be met by hard work, concentration and devotion, which are all necessary for a successful academic career and in fact, life. Performing at Carnegie Hall, however, was a goal I set for myself, not a necessary hurdle I needed to jump. The satisfaction I felt after achieving this goal single-handedly showed me the beauty of what one person's hard work can really achieve.
Putting effort into something one doesn't enjoy is sometimes just a part of life. However, my experience with this performance proved that any effort that I did put forth was beautiful, and all of the success it brought about was the real reward. Most importantly, I realized that my respect for myself and what I'm capable of accomplishing should never be questioned, especially when it's just a matter of effort.
Fantastic story! Your essay is very well-written and easy to read. I think many people can relate to your situation, which is striving for something just out of reach. You have great follow-through after the initial story and you tie everything together nicely. There are no grammatical errors that are apparent. The event when you performed has shaped who you are as a person, and that is very meaningful. You answered the question in a mature, educated way.
