This section is an opportunity for you to elaborate on the information you have provided earlier. You may wish to discuss a special talent, a personal experience or an activity that you have been involved in that is relevant to the course(s) that you are applying for admission.
When my mother referred to me as an "Agony aunt", I took it as a compliment even though she didn't mean it in that way. Ever since I was a young girl, I have been happy to help my friends and family under any circumstance. I was more of a "listener" in the conversation and in order to simplify their problems, I always put myself in their shoes. I yearned to make them feel better. Empathetic responses seemed to come naturally to me. You could say that I had a knack of alleviating my friends' woes. Maya Angelou said "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." Bearing in mind this quote, it dawned upon me that I wanted to pursue a career in Psychology.
In grade XI, I started learning about Psychology for the first time. It was an introductory text book and theories such as Social Facilitation, Conformity, Cognitive Bias and Simulation Theory as well as the Nature vs. Nurture Controversy were mentioned only briefly, without any in-depth information.
With every new theory that I learnt about in my text book, I would come home and research on it with the help of the internet and my precious collection of encyclopedias.
Exploring the human psyche was intriguing and yet challenging at the same time. There was so much to learn and this was just the beginning of my journey.
By the time I was in grade XII, I started identifying these theories within my environment. It was remarkable to analyze my friend's tendencies to perform better when under the eyes of others. Their beliefs, attitudes, tastes and preferences were altered when they were amongst a group of people either by direct social pressure or subtle unconscious influences. One question still plagues my mind and that is how much I, myself, conform to these theories?
To conclude, I believe that the Psychology program offered at FASS in NUS is highly prestigious, diverse and dynamic. I know that I will receive a desired mix of vibrancy, exposure and the required stability in the form of a focused curriculum under the guidance of the esteemed teachers at NUS.
I really like the term, 'agony aunt'! I've never heard that before. Your essay is coming out fine, but here are a few things I found;
Ever since I was a young girl, I have been happy to help my friends and family under any circumstance.
...Conformity, Cognitive Bias and Simulation Theory as well as the Nature vs. Nurture Controversy were mentioned only briefly, without any in-depth information.
My curiosity got the better of me and I started researching on multiple theories with the internet as my guide .
It was remarkable to analyze my friend's tendencies to perform better when under the eyes of others.
Their beliefs, attitudes, tastes and preferences were altered when they were amongst a group of people, either by direct social pressure or subtle unconscious influences.
To conclude, I believe that the Psychology program at the B.A. level at NUS is highly prestigious, diverse and extensive.
I know that I will be bestowed with the correct and intellectual way of learning the multifarious forms of Psychology under the guidance of the esteemed teachers at NUS.
Please take out the words 'bestowed' and 'multifarious', as they make your essay seem like you are trying way too hard to impress the reader by keeping a thesaurus next to you. Also, I think that for 'bestowed', it would have to say something like, "...has been bestowed upon me".
Thank you for your feedback. I will make the necessary changes but do you think that the essay is worth sending?
I have 3 days left till the deadline so I could write another one..
I was more of a "listener" in the conversation and in order to simplify their problems, and I always put myself in their shoes. I yearned to make them feel better.---- This was a run-on sentence before we added "and"
use a comma:
said, "I've learned...
Capitalize the word Internet.
Yes, you should use this!! It is very impressive!! What is your favorite school of thought in psych? I like existentialism... also cognitive therapy. Frankl's Logotherapy is great, and so is REBT.
