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'experience & stories' Pomona- Experience in high school has mattered most to me?

Hello everyone,

I am from Germany and I really wanna study in the us upcoming year in the fall. I just started with my common application on the web and I was wondering if somenone could read my essay I've wrote and would give me some improvement suggestions to my essay. My english leve is not as good as the students from america, logically.

So just give me som suggestions, help or hints :) Thanks for reading and for your help

What experience in high school has mattered most to me?
Well, during my years in secondary school and High School back in Germany I've got to know and been through a lot of things, I can see it even this year on my final school year. My schoolmates, teacher and my family as well have always showed me a lot of ways to go. I've tried so many things in school - easy to difficult challenges & from good to bad decisions I've always profited. Most of my experience that I have collected was definitely in my exchange year in 2009/2010 at Pinckney High School (Michigan-USA). I was always searching for American friends, people and the country, so it was just a simply question of time before I took my flight tickets and went on board of the plane. I think my best friend Steven, his father was born and raised in New Jersey impact me the most, and his experience & stories from his dad has always fascinated me in a way. After I took my flight in late summer 2009 in the direction of America, my pleasant anticipation was big. My year in the states has changed me as person and I got more mature. Family, Friends and culture and of course my personal highlight the high school was just new land for me. I could compose a book about each day - not even then I would be able to impart my experience. Because I had no problems at all with my English from the very beginning, my interest of a coming back raised. Considering that I was too shy to attend a school in another country and now I started making plans for my future - for here, WOW! That year slanted more and more to its end and even that I've missed my family and friends back home, I have found my place of destination here - in the United States. Mr. Thomas my US Government and World History teacher has always encouraged me, to come back and bring my talents of education to the states. He knew that I would and will deploy every chance that I get. With an abundance of inquiries for college and so many sleepless nights it seems barley impossible to make it back to America a second time but Mr. Thomas never gave up on me. He supported me as much as he can with my researches. I think he made the biggest impact on my way to college. So when I got the chance during my residence in Michigan to go to California, I took the chance and I visited Pomona College. I have learned that nothing is impossible if you just work hard enough for it. The campus & environment was just outstanding and incomparable to Europe. You will never find such an area in Germany not to mention Europe. After 12 months back in Germany I have never ever worked harder for a goal like today - college. America and its culture inspired and fascinated like nothing before. The people here gave me a feeling that you can't find a second time. I have learned and challenged so many things in life through my family, friends, school and other countries, so it wouldn't be fair not mention one of my challenges or people that assisted me on my way to college. I can and will take every chance I get in the next 4 years - to master my new challenges and make my stay unforgettable. I know Pomona is the right place to be!

Oct 10, 2011   #2
Great essay but you may want to revise basic grammar and do a spell check, some sentences are written incorrectly, but this is understandable and I'm sure Pomona will take this into consideration since English is not your first language. Good luck!
Oct 16, 2011   #3
hey Arianna,

thank you so much for your respond :) You have no idea how hard my last days have been. Im writting and writting whenever I can. Do you think, that you could give me explicit advise about grammar and spell check on my essay? I know its probably kinda weird but do you have an e-mail or fb account - where I can write to you?

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