Common App Essay please give feedback thanks
1.(Max 500) A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.
My life has taken a path of diversity, both by experience and upbringing. Born in Brazil, I never gave up Portuguese. Moving to the United States at a young age, I quickly became fluent in English. I can also speak some survival Spanish here and there. Many of my acquaintances are bilingual, a few speak several languages, and some close friends only speak one.
My dad is a conservation scientist who's travelled the world, including to countries that have more than 500 native languages. I joined him on many of his journeys, to the less wild places mostly, but one became my great turning point.
Ever since I was very young my dad kept repeating that one day I would travel with him to Africa. But every time I inquired him about his promise, he would say I was still not old enough. I went on a few trips to oddly civilized places and had many remarkable summers in Brazil, but still no Africa. Eventually I gave up asking.
I vividly remember the day I was called into the living room. My dad looked at me with a smirk and asked whether I would like to join him in his next journey to Kenya. Suddenly all those forgotten years of Africa came back to me and I was filled with excitement.
I figured everything out with my school about the work I was going to miss and in no time I was in Nairobi, Kenya. I stayed in Nairobi for two days and got to see what life for Africans in a big city was like, which was not much different from many big cities in Brazil. Soon enough off we went on a small plane to the Maasai people territory, and to the reserve they manage for wildlife. My dad brought his boss, a loud French woman who happens to be the CEO of the largest funding organization supporting developing countries in their efforts to preserve nature. For the sake of diversity, we had two powerful environmental lobbyists of the Republican Party in our group. The five of us landed in the middle of the savanna and were greeted by the Maasai people, natives to the Mara ecosystem. The Maasai are very tall and thin people who wear a decorated red cloth and walk around with long sticks used to herd what they most value, ordinary cattle.
Prior to this trip I was very uncertain about my career path and academic choice. I always felt more attracted to science, but had not quite found my true inspiration. What really pushed me towards my discovery was when the five of us boarded a jeep and went on long safaris through the Maasai Mara. I saw many different species wildlife in all sorts of diverse habitats that I could imagine, even coming from a country like Brazil, which is biologically diverse. It was nothing like camping on the continent with the largest concentration of big mammals in the world. Being there brought many questions to my mind about how all these animals functioned together and managed to survive for so many years. It was then that I knew I wanted to experience, study, research, and learn as much as I could about the great diversity of organisms that inhabit this planet.
Ever since I was very young, my dad kept repeating that one day I would travel with him to Africa.
But every time I inquired him about his promise, he would say I was still not old enough.
My dad looked at me with a smirk and asked whether I would like to join him on his next journey to Kenya.
Suddenly all those forgotten years of --(dreaming of?)--Africa came back to me and I was filled with excitement.
Soon enough, off we went on a small plane to the Maasai P eople territory,---I'm not sure if 'People' should be capitalized here, but it seems to look better.---- and to the reserve they manage for wildlife.
The five of us landed in the middle of the S avanna and were greeted by the Maasai people, natives to the Mara ecosystem.
I saw many different species of wildlife in every sort of diverse habitat that I could imagine, even coming from a country like Brazil, which is biologically diverse.
This is a very interesting essay and you're such a good writer! Have fun in school and good luck!
:)
