Experiences...Accomplishments...Experiences - College admission essay

"Are there any significant experiences you have had, or accomplishments you have realized, that have helped you define you as a person?"-- I am not yet done with my essay but I could use some help!:)

please help me!thanks.:)

Experiences...Accomplishments...Experiences...Accomplishments...I don't really get it-I can't find the contrast between the two of them, aren't they the same thing? Experiences, achievements, dreams we have, things we do and the words we utter, aren't they the things that define us as a person?

In this fragile world we are living in right now, we need not just good, but the best professionals. We need the best-est scientist to resolve our planet, best-est mathematicians to solve the equation of our problem, best-est leaders to lead us to a better, cleaner earth, and most importantly, we need the best-est citizens to do the rest. Things we do does not only affect the place we are living in but also affect out personality.

Let me share to you an experience that had changed my life to better one. It happened not long ago, about 4 months actually. The time where one my biggest dream can come true - Given the chance only once. The student council elections, yes that was it, I had been waiting for that for 5 hardworking years. I wanted to be the student council president. Everything was flowing according to the plan, I had enough supporters to win, I actually had it on my hand. Suddenly, a misfortune came, since the other team's president has a rich and strong family background, so the misfortune was given to us. One of us had to be taken out of the list. I decided, if there should be one person to be taken out, it should be the one who invited all one them to join the team. I took myself out of the list. After all, a great leader's courage to fulfill her vision comes from passion not position. I realized that what I wanted was a better school year for everyone. Being the president is a great advantage, but that is not the only way.

That was one of my biggest accomplishment in life, to let go of things that I wanted and instead realized what I needed. It had help me define myself to be a better person. I had learn that pessimists are always right but optimists gets more out of life, they ignore whatever comes and goes on with life. All I needed was a little encouragement from my family and friends, encouragement for me to not give up and go on with my dream-to have a better school year.

To have acquired so much knowledge is a significant achievement. Achievements are accomplishments and therefore having knowledge is an accomplishment. In having a successful life, knowledge comes first then experience trails by. In other words, knowledge and experience is the key to success-education is the key to success. When deficient experience is gained, we go for more experience and gain it at some point. Once we have reached the status of experienced, accomplishments have also been made.

Hi Ann (this was in response to the first thread you made?)
Comment on your first two lines: they address the prompt, but in answer to the question you pose, and possibly leave for later to answer, No experiences you have had, or accomplishments you have realized are not the same.


leave the contraction out and then rearrange to fix the grammar for are not they... about the use of the phrase "us a a person," parallel fix needed


Try to avoid the use of words such as these (they are not grammatically correct)


Based on this paragraph about "best-est" people, try to reconnect your ideas with answering the prompt.


Try to avoid these in-text references to your essay


And if possible, make your point with as few words as possible
About this experience, I believe you can write a lot more about it. Write down what really happened. Jot down notes about what you did and organize it to show in a more clarified way, how that experience (not an accomplishment, at least I would not categorize it as one) defines who YOU are


(but they are NOT always right :/ )


You're making a round-about explanation about that accomplishment=experience issue. Is it really necessary? Maybe obtaining knowledge in this case can be an accomplishment, yes, but the experience is different from what your achieved. You acquired knowledge, which is an achievement, but you still don't place experience in there somewhere.


This sentence also kills the comparison. You're saying 'I obtained knowledge. Obtaining knowledge is an achievement. An achievement is an accomplishment. Knowledge is separate from experience. Knowledge and experience are education(al). But you don't complete the loop and prove your point from your first line >_.


I don't follow your train of thought.

A lot of this seems like it was written stream-of-consciousness.

okay thanks a lot! I am not really good with essays.:))

I like your vision that "After all, a great leader's courage to fulfill her vision comes from passion not position."

Maybe you want to describe what you have done to be a great leader after pulling out from the election. Your idea is nice, but I think you need to understand what it means.

Good luck!

thanks...I will do my best!:)

It's better to have this just once:

Experiences...Accomplishments.. .Experiences...Accomplishments...I don't really...

...aren't they the things that define us as a person? (Now connect this to the idea of accomplishment and experience being synonymous: My actions define me, and adding definition to myself is always an accomplishment!

:-)