PROMPT:
In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service.
ESSAY:
I watched her as she bounced around the room. She was carefree, innocent, and excited about each new thing being presented to her. I was a leader at a week long bible study camp at my church, and the experience of looking after Rebecca, a little girl with special needs, changed my life. A third grader, whose ideas about the future didn't extend past the next thirty minutes, made me realize what I wanted to do for the rest of my life.
Undoubtedly, she was a handful. I didn't have experience caring for a child with autism. But when I got past my own hesitations, I really began to enjoy Rebecca's company. During this week my responsibility was to watch over the third graders as they took a break from the excitement of skits and outdoor games to watch a movie and calm down. Any parent probably knows calming down a third grader isn't exactly a piece of cake, especially one who has a hard time controlling her own behavior. I learned how to better connect with Rebecca, and because of her my ability to bond with other kids improved as well. Toward the end of the week, she looked up at me and told me I was her best friend. This was the moment that I understood what I had done for her, and for me. I hadn't passed the responsibility of looking after her off to someone else, like many other leaders had done. Instead I was a stable figure for Rebecca, and she appreciated our relationship.
Becoming a teacher was never something I previously dreamed of. After realizing that my actions can help shape a child's life, I knew it was my destiny. My call to service came from Rebecca, when she looked at me that day and told me I meant something to her. Thinking about how Rebecca must feel at school will affect my college experience. Now that I look back, I had been taking advantage of my ability to succeed in school. I can learn to provide a lifelong education to those who excel in class but more importantly, to the ones who fade into the background. Rebecca taught me to be selfless and look out for the needs of others before my own. That quality will help me contribute to the University of Florida's campus community. I am determined to be the teacher that students will remember long into their old age, the one teacher that was a symbol of stability, responsibility and safety. I never thought the "babysitting" aspect of that week would be a life changing experience. That little, free spirited girl showed me that I am capable of making a difference in the lives of kids everywhere.
Hi Jenny!
Your experiences with Autism apparently set the stage for you for the rest of your life, and that love for teaching that you now have comes through in this essay that you wrote! I have but a few suggestions for you, and they are below. Good Job on the essay!
--Mark :)
I learned how to better connect with Rebecca, and because of her my ability to bond with other kids improved as well.
-->This sentence is missing some words...but I am not sure where they would best fit.
This was the moment that I understood what I had done for her, and for memyself .
I accidentally skipped past the main idea the first time I read this. I missed the sentence at the end of the first paragraph, because it seemed to appear all of a sudden. I think it would be good to give one more sentence at the end of that intro para so that you can keep the reader's attention on the idea (i.e. of choosing what you want to do with your life) for a moment longer.
Also:
Becoming a teacher is something I had previously dreamed of. --- I changed the verb tense because you are talking about something that happened in the past and how something else had not happened (even further in the past).
