Hi,
First of all, thank you for editing this essay. I think I still need some help with grammatical errors and repetitive words. Thank you again!
Describe the unique qualities that attract you to the specific undergraduate College or School (including preferred admission and dual degree programs) to which you are applying at the University of Michigan. How would that curriculum support your interests? (500 words maximum)
Surrounded by a family-operated business, I have developed my passion for business and economics. While helping my father run the family-owned restaurant, I have searched for efficient ways to communicate with customers and to maintain the business by applying several marketing and advertising strategies from the Small Business Administration program courses to it, expanding the horizon of my business experiences. I also have gained a sense of economics by analyzing how our surroundings affect the customers, the restaurant's profits, and the cost of purchasing raw goods. In addition to my previous experiences in the business and economics fields, I feel confident that the opportunities offered at the University of Michigan will help benefit my growth to success as a future businessman or economist.
University of Michigan's College of Literature, Science, and Arts provides a supportive and competitive academic environment, which consists of encouraging professors, innovative students, and enriching programs. Given the rigorous undergraduate curriculum for an economics major, I will be opened to challenge myself to incorporate my business and economic experiences from my family's restaurant with what I will learn and share in LSA's academic environment. Besides taking economic introductory classes, such as ECON 101 and 108, I am also eager to take ECON 299. Unlike most universities, University of Michigan offers credit points and memorable experiences while participating in ECON 299's internship programs.
Moreover, the unlimited "out of the classroom" opportunities, provided by LSA's internship programs and renown research facilities, are crucial to my goal of becoming a successful economist. Utilizing the internship programs and research facilities will continue to develop my experiences when I implement economic concepts from the classroom to the real world and interact with professionals in the economic and business fields. A research program that I am eager to join is the Undergraduate Research Opportunity Program because this particular program will help me gain a better understanding of economic concepts and will prepare me for future research in the future. In addition to these programs, the events hosted by the Michigan Economic Society (MES) are other great resources for me during my undergraduate career. I believe that the tutoring classes, additional seminars, workshops, and corporation events from MES will provide me golden opportunities to use economic theories and applications and train me for my future career in business.
University of Michigan offers a wide variety of academic and extracurricular opportunities for me to become involved in. The University's stand-out programs and courses will help me enhance my understanding of economics and business to the fullest potential with opportunities for me to apply them to real life. Ultimately, I chose the University of Michigan because I believe that its strong curriculums will help me pursue my major and become a successful person who can make a difference in society.
This is really good. I made some grammatical changes like you asked. But. I think it would help if you added in some clear examples in a lot of places, because when you make a claim in an essay, it is always better to prove them. For example, I think it would be interesting if you wrote how specific surroundings influence the customer. If you say this, then it will show that you really do have experience in this field.
Bye,
Sage
What an intelligent essay! I especially like all the evidence of solid learning expriences... You did a great job with this, and I also noticed that the edit provided by Sage is really thoughtful and must have taken a long time! So, thanks for making this a great thread.
University of Michigan's College of Literature, Science, and Arts provides a supportive and competitive academic environment, which is comprised of encouraging professors, innovative students, and enriching programs. Given the rigorous undergraduate curriculum for an economics major, I will
This is the part I don't like. It gets the paragraph off to a slow start. It is nonspecific. All these words fatigue the reader. Replace them with a sentence that is short and specific. :-)
Here is another one: University of Michigan offers a wide variety of academic and extracurricular opportunities for me to become involved in.---no good! Too dull... you have an opportunity with every sentence. Use your opportunity to show the reader that you are being proactive about your education. Google "proactive" and it will be a word that gives you inspiration.
