1. Most high school seniors are unsure about eventual career choices. What experiences have led you to consider medicine as your future profession? Please describe specifically why you have chosen to apply to the Program in Liberal Medical Education in pursuit of your career in medicine. Also, be sure to indicate your rationale on how the PLME is a "good fit" for your personal, academic and future professional goals.
As kids most of my friends were afraid to go to the doctor. They used to freak out when they saw the eerie whiteness of the dentist's room and wet themselves on sight of all those fancy instruments. My parents didn't have a problem taking me to the doctor; I was curious what being one would be like. I didn't even need the fancy toothbrush with Mickey mouse to smile at the dentist. As I grew up I answered 'what-do-want-to-be-when-you-grow-up' with a fairly constant - scientist. I would get a pat on my head for my trouble.
A scientist in the medical profession, specializing in leukemia; was what I told my friends. How can you be so sure, my friends asked me. I used to evade that question saying it didn't matter why as long as I was sure what I wanted to do. In my concocted view of researchers used to be heroes of the world they would spend years working in the labs, deliberating with fellow scientists until they got their 'eureka' moment. It's not that I didn't love science, it has always been my favourite and top scoring subject. I was really good at research and I loved exploring, I always had to find a solution and I had to be the one who found it. But I was disillusioned, I didn't know about reality.
Last summer, I went to an institution called P.C. Thomas in India were I was part of a crash course for our grade 12 portion. This was not like any educational institute. It required that you stay in a hostel with no TV, no mobiles, no hot water baths, no luxuries we Dubai-spoiled-brats are used to. My parents were genuinely surprised when I wanted to go. I was looking for adventure and I wanted to test my limits of self-control. The place was so stimulating, I worked from 4 in the morning to 12 in the night and never felt tired. Strange, something which first sounded like a labor camp actually changed me. A good holiday is one spent among people whose notions of time are vaguer than yours. When I got back, studying and working was so imbibed into me it wasn't a burden anymore, stress was part of the package but I knew how to deal with it. Funny how this was a more rewarding holiday than when I went to the Louvre: something I've wanted to do all my life, or when I went skiing in the Alps. Some feelings are best felt. The students I met were so different. There was one girl who I got pretty close to. We shared more than just a room, we shared the same dreams. We were so different yet so similar. She wanted to become a doctor, working in her village hospital. I saw her eyes glaze up in dreams when I told her about where I was from but what she taught me changed my life. She taught the value of a doctor. Her brother suffered from cancer and he had been suffering since she was 5 years old. She told me how every moment with him was special because you don't know whether you'll get another like the present. She rattled terms about cancer that would put nurses to shame. She was such a cheerful person, despite whatever she had to go through. Her father was unsure whether she would be able to finish her education and become an oncologist because he couldn't financially support her. But she was determined, she told me no matter what she would be a doctor. The day before we left I knew she couldn't sleep. She came over to my bed. She held my hand and made me promise that I would never give up, I would research as hard as I could and find a cure for cancer. She told me she knew she wasn't as smart as I was and that she didn't have the resources but she knew I would do it. She wanted to be free of the fear of waking in the morning and not seeing her brother's face; she wanted be free of the care she had to take to not hurt him, she wanted a strong, powerful brother who would protect her and not the other way around.
Maybe I'm emotional about the whole thing and maybe I don't know the reality about how hard a life of a scientist is. But I'm willing to take the plunge, I want to do it. Not everyone takes the difficult option out; someone has to. I want to be that person who does it.
The 8-year PLME at the Alpert Medical school is a perfect start for anyone passionate about medicine. It is the perfect stepping stone towards the profession that uses hope as the glue to hold together pain and recovery. The undergraduate and graduate programs encourage the research interests of the students. Any opportunity to ensure me the privilege of entering this complex world, I value highly, especially a program such as the PLME. I want my college experience to be academically unparalleled, filled with opportunities on a global scale, and amidst a group of diverse, motivated students who are excited to learn from each other. I want to live life to the fullest; to experience what I haven't, feel what I can only imagine. The soul wasn't born to die in vain, it was born to sail through the skies, travel far and wide, touch the farthest horizons. Which is why I know, the PLME at brown would be the best start to my career.
Pleeeeeeeease tell me if it is good enough!
I dont have much time so i would appreciate a quick reply!
Thanks so much!
As kids most of my friends were afraid to go to the doctor. They used to freak out when they saw the eerie whiteness of the dentist's room and wet themselves on sight of all those fancy instruments. My parents didn't have a problem taking me to the doctor; I was curious what being one would be like. I didn't even need the fancy toothbrush with Mickey mouse to smile at the dentist. As I grew up I answered 'what-do-you- want-to-be-when-you-grow-up' with a fairly constant - scientist. I would get a pat on my head for my trouble.(?I lost you here)
"I want to be a scientist in the medical profession, specializing in leukemia". This was what I told my friends. "How can you be so sure?", my friends asked me. I used to evade that question saying it didn't matter why as long as I was sure what I wanted to do. In my concocted view of researchers used to be heroes of the world. T hey would spend years working in the labs, deliberating with fellow scientists until they got their 'eureka' moment. It's not that I didn't love science- it has always been my favourite and top scoring subject. I was really good at research and I loved exploring, I always had to find a solution and I had to be the one who found it. But I was disillusioned, that's not what I really want.
Last summer, I went to an institution called P.C. Thomas in India were I was part of a crash course for our grade 12 portion. This was not like any educational institute I've seen . It required that you stay in a hostel with no TV, no mobiles, no hot water baths, no luxuries we Dubai-spoiled-brats are used to. My parents were genuinely surprised when I wanted to go. I was looking for adventure and I wanted to test my limits of self-control. The place was so stimulating, I worked from 4 in the morning to 12 in the night and never felt tired. Strange, something which first sounded like a labor camp actually changed me. A good holiday is one spent among people whose notions of time are vaguer than yours. When I got back, studying and working was so imbibed into me it wasn't a burden anymore, stress was part of the package but I knew how to deal with it. Funny how this was a more rewarding holiday than when I went to the Louvre, which was something I've wanted to do all my life, or when I went skiing in the Alps. Some feelings are best felt. The students I met were so different. There was one girl who I got pretty close to. We shared more than just a room, we shared the same dreams. We were so different yet so similar. She wanted to become a doctor, working in her village hospital. I saw her eyes glaze up in dreams when I told her about where I was from but what she taught me changed my life. She taught the value of a doctor. Her brother suffered from cancer and he had been suffering since she was 5 years old. She told me how every moment with him was special because you don't know whether you'll get another like the present. She rattled terms about cancer that would put nurses to shame. She was such a cheerful person, despite whatever she had to go through. Her father was unsure whether she would be able to finish her education and become an oncologist because he couldn't financially support her. But she was determined, she told me no matter what she would be a doctor. The day before we left I knew she couldn't sleep. She came over to my bed. She held my hand and made me promise that I would never give up, I would research as hard as I could and find a cure for cancer. She told me she knew she wasn't as smart as I was and that she didn't have the resources but she knew I would do it. She wanted to be free of the fear of waking in the morning and not seeing her brother's face; she wanted be free of the care she had to take to not hurt him, she wanted a strong, powerful brother who would protect her and not the other way around.
Maybe I'm emotional about the whole thing and maybe I don't know the reality about how hard a life of a scientist is. But I'm willing to take the plunge, I want to do it. Not everyone takes the difficult option out; someone has to. I want to be that person who does it.
The 8-year PLME at the Alpert Medical school is a perfect start for anyone passionate about medicine. It is the perfect stepping stone towards the profession that uses hope as the glue to hold together pain and recovery. The undergraduate and graduate programs encourage the research interests of the students. Any opportunity to ensure me the privilege of entering this complex world, I value highly, especially a program such as the PLME. I want my college experience to be academically unparalleled, filled with opportunities on a global scale, and amidst a group of diverse, motivated students who are excited to learn from each other. I want to live life to the fullest; to experience what I haven't, feel what I can only imagine. The soul wasn't born to die in vain, it was born to sail through the skies, travel far and wide, touch the farthest horizons. This is why I know, the PLME at brown would be the best start to my career.
Despite of some little errors in grammar, it's a very good essay! This is good to go. Good luck to you!
Thank you so much for viewing my essay!
I made the changes and sent it ... but unfortunately I didnt get in.
Thanks for your help, and for replying so fast!
I'm an international student and I'm on the waitlist for a pre-med undergraduate programme. This is my LOCI to the university. Critique harshly!
I am very pleased to note that I have been waitlisted for admission to (XXX). To be recognized as one of the students worthy of being deferred is itself quite an honor for me.
As I had indicated, I am looking to 10 plus years of study at (XXX). My high school (12th Grade) marks should be available by 1st week of June and shall forward the mark sheet immediately upon receipt.
Since completion of my school exam, I am still on a daily study program involving Biology, Physics and Chemistry subjects. To bring in a quote by Mr C.N.R Rao, Head of Scientific advisory council to Indian Prime Minister on Indian exam culture "India is said to have an examination system but not an education system". As much as I respect the Indian system of education, I feel I've been much-oft caught in the bridge between theoretical reasoning and the practical application of my knowledge. Years of brooding over my thoughts have lead me to develop a love for research, for me to find out, explore where my textbook ends. But I've always been pressed for resources and a teaching staff who would put me on the right track to help me with my ideas and thoughts. When I was looking for the colleges that would suit me perfectly, (XXX) was undoubtedly my top college preference.
I was recently admitted into the NSHSS or the National Society of High School Scholars. I have a deep passion for writing and my poetry and fiction articles have been published many times in magazines like Teen Ink and Polyphony H.S. I also contribute to the Cyberteen E-zine. I'm also taking part in an Autism-campaign here in Dubai with a motto 'No Child Walks Alone'.
I found the passion and commitment of Dr. Peter Agre compelling and I admire his strong belief in the next generation of scientists. In his words; "Science is a social endeavor. Scientists have personalities and interests and fears and limitations. We're not cybertronic machines. And we collaborate. Unless you're at the level of Leonardo da Vinci, you get a lot of ideas from other people." (XXX) has been the guiding force behind such luminaries and I would be privileged if I had the opportunity to study in an institution that has made success possible for all its students.
The idea is to spend my time more useful academically than the thought of getting admitted and possibly getting ready for a kick start at (XXX). I am looking to be away from such a system and firmly believe (XXX) education is like living a different life. College is something I'll never be ready for but at the same time I can't wait to add (XXX) to my list of exhilarating experiences. Brilliant professors, vast research labs and a never-ending library may be what (XXX) is known for but I'm also looking forward to meeting bright young minds and having conversations in the hall-ways that will have earth-shattering consequences. College isn't just going to be like the time I first said a speech to an audience of 10,000 people or when I first mastered my butterfly curve-kick in the swimming pool. It is going to be much, much more.
The Pre-med course at the (XXX) is a perfect start for anyone passionate about medicine. It is the perfect stepping stone towards the profession that uses hope as the glue to hold together pain and recovery. The undergraduate and graduate programs encourage the research interests of the students. Any opportunity to ensure me the privilege of entering this complex world, I value highly, especially a college like (XXX). I want my college experience to be academically unparalleled, filled with opportunities on a global scale, and amidst a group of diverse, motivated students who are excited to learn from each other. The world is filled with wonderful things, I want to be a part of unraveling them; to be a part of preserving its magical mysticism and finding out who I truly am. This is why I know, (XXX) would be the best start to my career.
I have to send it ASAP so quick help would be appreciated!!
Thanks
indicate your rationale on how the PLME is a "good fit" for your personal, academic and future professional goals.
In order to accomplish this, you should be able to write about some way that it is different from some other program. It challenges you to get specific about exactly what makes you unique among candidates for this kind of program. It can be about your unique interests... your interests that are so well developed because of all the reading you do. This is what I think it missing. What makes it a good fit.
Use a semi-colon here: But I'm willing to take the plunge; I want to do it.-------I like that part!
I want my college experience to be academically unparalleled, filled with opportunities on a global scale, and amidst a group of diverse, motivated students who are excited to learn from each other.---wow, very impressive. You write well!
I want to live life to the fullest; to experience what I haven't, feel what I can only imagine. The soul wasn't born to die in vain, it was born to sail through the skies, travel far and wide, touch the farthest horizons. This is why I know, the PLME at brown would be the best start to my career.-----This is so nice, and I think the essay will be effective, but again, this does not make it a good fit. What is unique about the program, and what is unique about you? That sharp detail will make the essay more unique, too.
But seriously, it is already a winner!
:-)
i haven't read the last para (running out of time right now)... but i think u shud change ur intro, first 2 sentences are very plain, and "As I had indicated"...i never suggest to use this as well.
will read it again ASAP and try to help :)
I am very pleased to note that I have been waitlisted for admission to (XXX). To be recognized as one of the students worthy of being deferred is itself quite an honor for me.
Oh! Clever... very good... I like your idea.
Okay, the whole thing is written very well, but you need to do more to share a concept with the reader... some special idea that the reader associates with you. For example, you might have a particular vision of where you will work in the future, what is important to you, etc. Just give the reader one concept to latch onto. What will be your theme?
To help you establish the theme, I suggest moving this paragraph way up to the beginning. Not the very beginning, but maybe you can make it paragraph 2:
The Pre-med course at the (XXX) is a perfect start for anyone passionate about medicine. It is the perfect stepping stone towards the profession that uses hope as the glue to hold together pain and recovery. The undergraduate and graduate programs encourage the research interests of the students. Any opportunity to ensure me the privilege of entering this complex world, I value highly, especially a college like (XXX).
I suggest moving that up to the beginning so that the reader will know what you are all about and what you want to do. Just like a candidate running for office, you should say, "This is who I am, and this is what I am going to do!"
But I want to adjust this part:
The Pre-med course at the (XXX) is a perfect
start for anyone passionate about medicine. It is the perfect stepping stone towards the profession that uses hope as the glue to hold together pain and recovery, because it has _________________ (name something that makes it unique among available schools).
Study the unique characteristics of this school, not just the stuff from the website... and show how it is an important part of your plan.
:-)
Thank you so much!
I think you're changes are quite good!!
It is the last part of the essay I'm unsure of...
I was a bit blank so I sort of repeated the para from another essay of mine! (did anyone notice?) :P
SO I still have to work on it... a bit more :)
Thanks for all the help!
repeated the para from another essay of mine! (did anyone notice?) :P
Ha ha, no I did not notice, but actually everyone repeats the ideas that are closest to their hearts. Even celebrities and teachers have certain ideas they often express, over and over. It's okay! :-)
THANKS a lot @ EF_Kevin! you've given me great advice!
I've sent my essay.... with my fingers crossed!
