My explanation of why I did so poorly for the Additional Information part.

In the course of my life, I have overcome many challenges that caused me to adjust. I had obtained high grades in my first year of college as I endured the gruesome morning rush hour commute, I volunteered many hours in my community while taking care of my baby sister for seven hours each day, and I worked in a restaurant that was nearly un-staffed. But, I have never encountered a challenge that affected me so dearly. That challenge was leaving home for the first time.

For my first year at college, I commuted to class each day and was always the first to arrive. I always had wondered how much my life would be different if I had lived on campus. In this past year, I had decided to live on campus. I was excited to live on campus and to leave home for the first time, an experience that I have never felt before. But as my parents left my room, I began to miss my family and I found myself going home frequently. As a result with my busy schedule and difficult classes, my grades suffered. But by the middle of the semester, I met friends who do not even have the option of going home. As I talked to them, they told me they were homesick like any human would be but it's not like they would never see them again. Upon this realization, I felt as if all my worries had left me and I began focusing on my schoolwork, performing my daily chores, joined several student organizations. Gradually, as I became busier, I began overcoming my homesickness and my grades began improving.

I am glad that I made the decision to leave home. It has shown me how to truly be independent, it has prepared me to survive in a massive environment, and it has taught how to become familiar at new places.

This is a powerful sentence, perhaps because of your use of the word "felt." Very good.

As I talked to them, they told me they were homesick like any human would be, but upon mention of parents one of them said, "It's not like I would never see them again."

You do not talk very much about doing poorly. It will be better if you add some sentences about specific difficulties you had and the STEPS YOU HAVE TAKEN to ensure success in this upcoming year.

:-)

You may want to try the standard essay format of an introduction, a few body paragraphs and a conclusion. I find that if I have strong thesis and topic sentences everything flows better.