Here is my supplement essay for the University of Pennsylvania. I know there are probably a ton of errors in my essay because i haven't proofread yet. However, please take a look at the essay and help me make it better. Thanks!
Johnny Jenkins
Penn Supplement
"How will you explore your intellectual and academic interests at the University of Pennsylvania? Please answer this question given the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying. (400-650 words) "
Upon first setting foot on campus, I immediately knew that Penn was the perfect university for me. Every aspect of the school matches the type of environment where I want to spend the next four years of my life. Between the flexible curriculum, the hands on approach to learning, the urban environment, and the diverse community, Penn has all of the qualities that I wanted in a school.
The school's founder, Benjamin Franklin, was a leading author, inventor, politician, diplomat and scientist. Needless to say, Franklin was not an expert in only one field of study. Likewise, I am a student with many different interests both in-and-out of the classroom that cannot be boxed into one category. Attending the College of Arts and Sciences would supply me with a solid liberal arts education that will enable me to view the issues of society from many different perspectives. Not only would I be able to continue exploring subjects like Spanish, Chemistry and Politics, but I would be able to understand the correlation between them. Applying undeclared and designing my own curriculum would provide me with time to figure out which major I am truly passionate about, immerse myself in it, and then, ultimately combine it with a purpose.
The College's flexible curriculum would allow me to explore new topics, which could lead to amazing research opportunities. At Penn, I fully intend to take my academic interests and curiosities to the next level through the Center for Undergraduate Research and Fellowships (CURF). I will take advantage of CURF and link myself with research opportunities throughout the university. In the words of Benjamin Franklin, "Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I remember. Involve me and I learn." The school's emphasis on student involvement in the learning process is a quality of Penn that I deeply admire. I also hope to take part in the school's Academically Based Community Service (ABCS) courses as well as a freshman seminar.
While taking advantage of the curriculum and research opportunities I plan on continuing my extracurricular interest. I plan to continue developing my interest in aviation by starting an undergraduate aviation club. I would like to continue my studies in politics outside of the classroom by joining Penn's Government and Politics association. This would allow me to sharpen my leadership skills and build on my previous interest in the topic. My lifelong commitment to being an athlete will continue as I look forward to joining intramural Basketball and Flag Football teams at Penn as well as trying out new sports such as Ultimate Frisbee. I also would love to give back to the community by participating in the West Philadelphia Tutoring Project.
Certainly the most attractive thing about Penn is the diverse community. The most important part of my college search was finding a school that replicated the tight-knit community of my high school. Seeing the diverse student body interact while strolling down Locust Walk was a reassuring sight. There were many different clubs advertising their cause, there were students dancing on the street, others were conversing, and some were simply walking to class. This lively atmosphere radiated an aura of strong community and I could immediately feel the closeness of the student body. In order to aid my studies, I plan on utilizing the school's Black cultural resource center, Makuu. As a young African-American pilot with an open mind and experiences from my travels to fourteen different countries I believe that I can bring a very unique perspective to the Penn Community.
I realize that Penn will be an incredibly challenging journey, but the opportunities and the doors that Penn will open for me will be well worth the challenge. I look forward to bringing my voice to Penn's diverse community and add to the school's legacy. I cannot wait to work hard, immerse myself in Penn's rich culture, and eat plenty of cheesesteaks.
John, don't waste your word count by including information about the founding father of university. The reviewer is quite familiar with Benjamin Franklin and his relation to the institution so any reference to him is not only a waste of space, but also a waste of the reviewer's time. Those are just references that you are using as a word filler. You don't need to do that. The reviewers prefer short and concise answers regardless of the word maximum.
Simply respond to the requirements of the prompt immediately so that you can concentrate on better building up what it is that you have to say. I would have liked to have seen more reference to specific classes that you are planning to enroll in. You really need to focus more on that. Most of your references to those aspects as just a bit too generic and general sounding for me, if I were the reviewer. Do some research, discuss the classes you want to attend and why. Show the reviewer that you actually know more about the university than just who founded it.
Keep the essay concentrated on the academic aspect. The discussion about Locust Walk and the diverse community of the university is ill placed in this essay. It is not even an option to respond to in the prompt so adding it to the essay will only weaken the content of what should be a strong piece of written work. Just discuss the academics please. Giving the reviewer information that is not required nor implied will not only waste his time, but also make him think about how well you can follow instructions. That will not be a good thing for your application. Your intellectual interests are already well represented with your paragraph relating to your founding an aviation club and other related activities.
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John, the essay you wrote seems pretty strong, I just have a few remarks as you can see above.
I made sure that the remarks will not affect your essay whilst enhance it.
For future reference, always use first person contact on your sentences.
This is to ensure that the article is speaking directly on the narrative.
I wish you the best of luck and let us know what happen, we'd love to hear from you.
