pleas help me to edit my essay, at least making it readable
One morning, when I was aimlessly wandering in the park, I saw an unfamiliar object hover in the cloudless sapphirine sky. "What's that?" I wondered and then curiously ran towards the object. As I got closer to it, I recognized that it was a boomerang like those used by Australian aborigines to hunt animals. The owner, a young man, threw the boomerang and was, watching it glide over an elegant track as children stared at it in awe. However, the children were unable to play with the wooden boomerang since it was too heavy and dangerous for them. A feeling of sadness rose in my heart. "I can make boomerangs using paper," I thought, "so children will be able to enjoy the fun just as robust adults do."
I am an explorer.
Having the idea in mind, I went back home in excitement and soon started my mission, making a paper boomerang. Though designing a boomerang seemed to be a simple project, the knowledge and principle behind it were extremely hard. I searched relevant information on the internet and library, but only found profound principles and complicated diagrams (trajectory of the boomerang). in the belief that nothing can daunt me, I then spent my whole afternoon to understand the entire principal including formation of each force, effect of every moment of force and any pressure difference caused by the Bernoulli effect. the clear understanding of the knowledge provided me the prerequisite for next step which turn to be an onerous task. After collecting all materials and tool required, paper, scissor and pencil, I began my creation by plotting the contour of the boomerang on the paper. To cut hundreds of boomerangs carefully along the outline, I worked until midnight. I put all boomerangs aside the pillow, protected them using my numb hands and fell asleep.
I am a creator.
As soon as I opened my eyes on the next morning, I saw boomerangs lying on my bed; the feeling of creation and success soon warmed me. I quickly got up and left home, taking my treasure with me. On the way to the park, my heart beat violently and radiated a wave of warmth so snug that I even did not sensed the chillness in the morning. When I arrived at the park, the situation seemed to be exactly the same as the day before; a young man was playing his wooden boomerang with curious children around. "Kids, come here. I have presents for you." I shouted to the children and at the same time, take my gifts out, handed out all boomerangs with my still feeble hands to them and saw them cheerfully ran away. Lying contentedly on the wet grassland, I watched children playing with my presents. Nothing could be happier than making other happy.
I am a transformer, transforming the boomerang to happiness.
In the world of engineering, tasks of exploration, creation and transformation never end. Though I have completed many in past few years study, I still have a long way to go. Mr. Dean has declared in the state of McCormick "Given the many challenges facing us at the present time, it is important to have a sense of direction, a timeless compass for the future. We have accomplished a lot, but have much further to go." To navigate in the world of engineering, I also need a sense of direction and McCormick with its 100 years legacy, I believe, is my timeless compass for future.
Under the direction of Northwester, I will keep on exploring, creating and transforming.
its really good, very captivating. At the end, add an "n" to Northwester. Add an "s" to other in the 3rd paragraph. Try reading it aloud to hear tiny mistakes in spelling or grammar.
Is this essay about why you are choosing engineering, or why you are applying to Northwestern? If it is the latter, you should add a sentence or two about the school itself and their program that will allow you to keep on exploring...
Good Luck!!
I thought the specific prompt of Northwestern was "what unique qualities of Northwestern made you want to apply...?" If so, then perhaps you should spend a little time discussing the specific programs of the university that interst you in addition to your own personal qualities.
and soon started my mission, making a paper boomerang
Use a dash instead of a comma.
in the belief that nothing can daunt me, I then spent my whole afternoon to understand the entire principal including formation of each force
Change it to "
believing that nothing could daunt me , I then spent my whole afternoon
trying to understand...
the clear understanding of the knowledge provided me the prerequisite for next step which turn to be an onerous task.
Slightly awkward, re-phrase.
"After collecting all materials and tool required,
including paper, scissor and pencil, I began my creation by plotting the contour of the boomerang on the paper..."
Anyway, you get the idea:) Good luck!
^Here is the Northwestern Statement, if this is the one you're talking about:
"What are the unique qualities of Northwestern - and of the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying - that make you want to attend the University? In what ways do you hope to take advantage of the qualities you have identified?"
I think they mean the specific programs at Northwestern that attract you and how you want to take advantage of those opportunities. In other words, they are testing to see if you've done the research on the university, and in that case I would strongly suggest that you mention a little more of the university other than the fact that the people there "explor, creat and transform". Just a suggestion. It's possible that you may be applying to a specific engineering department or school where the prompt is different. If so, disregard what I just said.
Good luck on your applications.
