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'Exploring writers' - Stanford-A Good place-Why?


kldini 12 / 62  
Dec 31, 2009   #1
Prompt: Tell us what makes Stanford a great place for you.

Stanford. Usually pronounced by people as [stan-ferd] yet all I hear is Xanadu: A place to live, to learn, to teach, to fetch, to be. It is the paradise for the intellectual, but also the paradise for the athlete and the artist. Stanford is often associated with students that are Smart, Tenacious, Ambitious, Natural, Frolic, Out-going, Resourceful, and Diverse. Typical adjectives people find in me as well.

My great aspiration, my ambition, is to study Law. I have been always motivated by the basis of our society-laws. However, my passion still rests on my language and its history. And through the intense curriculum that Stanford offers the students seeking the opportunity to study this Romantic language, I believe I will excel in this majestic school to later enroll in Law School. I am eager to obtain this opportunity and to know more about my culture and other cultures as well.

Since I learned to read and write in this marvelous language, I have been willing to know more about it. I have enthusiasm myself to know its origin, its history in different countries, and the best writers of this language. Writers mean to me the Spanish language itself because they are who have made this language beautiful and exotic through their works. Writers like Miguel de Cervantes, Sor Juana Ines de la Cruz, Octavio Paz, and Pablo Neruda are examples of the Spanish language.

In Stanford I am willing to explore these and more writers. Thus, I am willing to learn about other languages' writers as well. This is the 21st century: a century in which you need to explore the world and its diversity, and Stanford is the school of the 21st century.

I need feedbakc with what I have right now. Any suggestions about it. Any comments.
This essay is pretty hard for me at this moment. I am tired, so please help me and I'll try to help you as much as I can. =)
poisonivy 14 / 102  
Dec 31, 2009   #2
Typical adjectives people find in me as well. - adjectives? i think people find in you qualities
I will excel in this majestic school directly to Law School. - this sounds a little bit pretentious, you could add sth like "I believe i will excel "

I have been always motivated by our society and its rules. - this sentence sounds off
I have been willing to know more about it.
These writers mean to me the Spanish language itself .
I hope I helped, please help me too, my deadline is in few hours!
OP kldini 12 / 62  
Jan 1, 2010   #3
Well, I think I improved it. Can you check it and let me know if you find anything good or bad. Thanks. =)
dinochar 1 / 5  
Jan 1, 2010   #4
ahaha I was wondering why you capitalized the adjectives at first, but I like it!

"Typical qualities people find in me as well." this sentence is a little awkward. maybe... "Diverse: typical qualities people find in me."?

have always been motivated (word switch)

However, my passion still rests on my language and its history. this is a little confusing because you never mentioned Spanish before.
OP kldini 12 / 62  
Jan 1, 2010   #5
Okay.. Thanks. Do you think I should mention Spanish before? I wanted to let it at the almost the end so my essay could take the attention of the reader by not giving the answer at the first instance. =S

What do you think??
Anyone??
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jan 8, 2010   #6
"Stanford" is usually pronounce d by people as [stan-ferd] yet all I hear is Xanadu: A place to live, to learn, to teach, to fetch, and be.

You should not allow yourself to use incomplete sentences too often:
These are qualities that people typically find in me as well.

My great aspiration, my ambition, is to study Law and ______ (add something to make it meaningful, to show your unique approach).

:-)
ktcat4002 2 / 8  
Jan 9, 2010   #7
I think you have a great opening, and your passion is very sincere throughout the essay. Although describing the school as majestic seems a little over the top.. anyone else agree?


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