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A letter to express my interest in the Radiology program at Kerman University of Medical Sciences

banknotes2233 1 / 2  
Sep 1, 2018   #1

Radiography Admission Essay

Respected members of admissions committee,

I would like to convey my greatest gratitude to give me the chance to write this brief letter to express my interest in the Radiology program at Kerman University of Medical Sciences.

For as long as I can remember, my passion for photography has evolved around me like a moth attracted by a light. This passion has given me the opportunity to view the world from a different angle. Growing up everyone around me asked what I wanted to be when I grow up and as a little kid I always said, an explorer like Ibn Battuta, so while kids my age were passionate about video games I was reading through the world atlas to fascinate myself with the countries that exist in our world.

To this day, I remember very well the essay I had to write in middle school about my ambitions particularly, my career choice, as puzzled as I was writing that essay I was still very confident about my career choices at that age. Back then, at the age of twelve, my father had recently been in an accident where his right foot was severely injured and we had to constantly go back and forth to the hospital for his treatment, during those hard times I discovered my passion for Radiology. As an amateur photographer at that time I had this opportunity to see a new form of photography called X-Ray where a human body is captured without even breaking the skin, this was my most fascinating moment at that age for me. I am certain I was the only kid in school with a career choice as Radiographer while writing that essay and, by then photography was only a hobby but Radiology was something I had to pursue further.

While in High School, I was always interested in sciences especially in subjects like Physics and Biology, as they were aligned with my future career as a Radiographer. The process of viewing a human body using radiant energy which take the form of X-Rays was the most interesting part of my Physics class. During my senior year in High School I had this great opportunity to work part-time at a clinic in my city, I was to be a personal assistant to the physician's office where I was responsible to do regular tasks associated with an assistant such as patient care. I was very fortunate and grateful to be mentored by a great team of physicians while working there because they personally took the time to introduce me to their Imaging facility at the clinic once they discovered my interests, this opportunity was a great blessing as I learned more about different types of equipment and modalities used in an Imaging facility.

I've come to the conclusion that diagnostic imaging is a very evolving field and there is much to be discover yet, even though this technology has been discovered hundreds of years ago. This facility is always needed in every hospital, clinic and any other medical facility because it is the go-to diagnostic tool for a physician to examine a patient throughly. Unfortunately in my home country, Pakistan, there is a great shortage of qualified Radiographers because the current youth are not aware of this wonderful field, this has resulted in many unqualified people conducting the imaging procedure which can pose a great risk. By educating myself in this field I plan to volunteer my time where there is a great shortage of qualified Radiographers in my country.

During the last six months of my high school I started my quest to find a reputable university with an exceptional curriculum and seasoned professors, I looked as far as America, Europe and Australia but only found a few universities that would fit my needs. I wanted to spend my four years of life in a country where I would both enjoy traveling and, get well-educated, I remembered my father telling me his travel stories where he spent two years of working and traveling in Iran, he always prided the hospitable Persians he met during his stay. As I was already very fond of Persian culture and architecture in my young age, I saw this as a perfect opportunity for me to complete one of my dreams, traveling like the late Ibn Battuta and getting educated. This quest has resulted in a selection of nine medical sciences universities in Iran which includes your institution.

I believe your university provides one of the best Radiology program in the region with exceptional teaching staff. The opportunity to be a part of your university will never be taken for granted. I personally commit myself to provide the best patient comfort with the highest professional experience. After completing my program I would like to volunteer my expertise in the rural parts of my home country, helping to bring better medical imaging facilities where they are the most needed. I hope this letter suffices my intentions in these two pages, please do not hesitate to contact me for any information needed. I would like to conclude this letter with my personal favorite quote "The most complete gift of god is a life based on knowledge" - Hazret Imam Ali (AS).

Please let me know if I should make any changes at all.

Holt - / 7,580 2001  
Sep 2, 2018   #2
Sammy, there are too many elements going on within this admission essay. At certain points, it seems to be a motivational letter. Sometimes, it's a statement of purpose, Other instances make is sound like a personal statement. This is a very confusing essay to read. You need to clarify what type of essay you are trying to write before you can receive proper advice regarding the content of your essay.

At this point, your essay too long, has a severe case of too much information, and doesn't really seem to have a presentation target or direction. Without knowing what type of essay you are being asked to write, I cannot help you edit this essay. I need to know the kind of essay or the prompt you are responding to so that I can figure out what works and what doesn't work in your essay.

I apologize for not being much help at the moment. Your essay is good and strong in content, but it is suffering from relevance issues and topic direction problems. Yes, there are the reasons why it is too long. It is also why I cannot better direct you towards proper essay development at the moment. If you can provide the prompt instructions or at least the type of essay you are trying to write, I might be able to come back and help you.
OP banknotes2233 1 / 2  
Sep 2, 2018   #3

Thank you for your input, I sincerely apologize for not mentioning the type of essay. I was asked to write a motivational letter by the university, please let me know what changes I shall make to this letter so it's more professional. English is not my native language and this is the best I came up with, I'm doing my upmost best to correct my mistakes.
Holt - / 7,580 2001  
Sep 3, 2018   #4
Sammy, you are one of the lucky few who got special permission from the admin for me to come back and help you. I hope that you will be able to use the advice I will be giving you. I believe that the following suggestion is the best way for you to edit and revise this essay.

The problem with your writing is that you have given the background of the development of your interest in Radiology. That falls under the personal statement essay because that is the essay that allows you to describe the development factors with regards to your interest in the course. The motivating factor is what this essay lacks.

From the information you provided in your essay, the motivating factor that you can discuss should be based on the accident that your father had. Since this was the first time you were exposed to radiology, you can explain how your father's injuries have evolved over time to require more x-rays. Explain that your early motivation was simply to better understand what was happening to your father's foot.

Then use your part-time work where you were exposed to various patients who required the use of the imaging facility of the clinic. This will become your main motivating factor. To be able to help heal people of their injuries by learning what happened inside without having to do surgery or invasive procedures has helped you understand that medical science need not always be expensive nor major in procedure. A mindset of the realization as to why you want to become a radiologist should be the focus of your motivating factor in this presentation. Look for the reason why you want to become a radiologist in order to find your motivation.

As for your motivation for applying for this program at the university, you will need to consider your academic interests that will be addressed by the education of the university. Add to that an explanation as to how the university can help you become a better professional through its training program, internship partnerships, and other training that will equip you to be a consummate professional and you will have the motivating factor for choosing the university well covered.

You should not try to rehash or reuse this current essay because there isn't much in it in terms of information that will be usable in a motivation letter. You need to write a totally new essay based on the above suggestions.
OP banknotes2233 1 / 2  
Sep 3, 2018   #5

Thank you so much for taking your precious time to help me once again. I will start from scratch and this time it will be by the advice you gave me. I am very grateful for the time you took to help me. I'll do my best to improve myself in writing.



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