"Without an Expression"- CENTRAL TO IDENTITY

Topic: Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

I'm really stuck on the last paragraph.

I closed my mouth and tried to convince myself to continue. I had let my speech impediment get the best of me."Come on you can do it. Just say it the way the therapist said to slow your words down if you have to," I repeatedly told myself. I had been hard at work verbally exhausted. Frustrated, I slumped down into the seat and laid my head on the wooden desk. I closed my eyes and sat there for moment thinking. "Why had I been born like this? Why do I struggle with an expression taken for granted by so many?" Seconds turned into minutes as my bleary eyes opened. My fists slowly unclenched as I mustered up the courage and strength needed to succeed.

Suddenly, I rose upright in the seat, eyes wide, and a nervous smirk on my face. I began to finish the last segment of reading, aloud to the patient speech therapist. What felt like a lifetime, was actually two short minutes of reciting. The therapist gave me a strange stern look that sent shivers down my spine. I thought that I had made more mistakes than the last session we had. She had written on a sheet how many mistakes there was in my oral presentation. The therapist then folded the paper in half before she hurried out the door. Anxiously, I opened the paper and on it was a big zero. That very moment, I knew, I could overcome any obstacle. I had won what would be many battles with my ongoing war with speaking.

I opened my mouth(?). This newfound liberty gave me power to hold a conversation and articulate thoughts and opinions long held from the public. Finally I got the respect and credit deserved. These trials and hardships had shaped me into the person I am today.

I think you can improve this essay by adding some kind of background story or explanation either before or after your current intro. Right now, it's a bit sudden, and I was left kind of wondering what was going on. You could also write a bit more about your process, your "ongoing war with speaking" that you mentioned. For your conclusion, you could end with a sentence about how you will use your ability to speak from now on. It's just a suggestion :) You don't have to end it that way if you don't want to.

Hi, thank you for your response on my essay, I will try to fix it.

Now your essay. I think you should write more about how your struggle on speaking started, this should be included in the middle of your essay. Next, "Finally I got the respect and credit deserved." - This should be well explained, like for example adding information about how you were treated before you could learn how to speak and if you really want to include this sentence you should check some grammatic mistakes in it. I think your beginning and your ending are quite well, it is the middle part that feels incomplete.