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'An extension of life' - JHU supplement essay

Jaineel406 5 / 13  
Dec 28, 2011   #1
Tell us something about yourself or your interests that we wouldn't learn by looking at the rest of your application materials. (While you should still pay attention to sentence structure and grammar, your response is meant as a way for us to get to know you, rather than a formal essay.)

Every beat is an extension of life, every pump circulates the body with blood, and every life is sustained with its functions. Its intricate structure and vast network allows it to connect to almost every part of the body. Even though it's only the size of your fist and weighs 300 grams its weight is magnified when held in your hand. The heart ceases to interest and captivate others because its functions outreach belief.

My first recognition towards my passion for the heart was 9th great biology. The dissection of a sheep's heart and the study of the heart showed me the various intricacies to its structure. As I held the knife in my hand and exposed the different parts of the heart I saw that each part had its own purpose and was encompassed of millions of cells that each had its own purpose. As the year progressed I visited the dead bodies' museum in NYC. During this visit I was able to explore the different organs of the human body and see them on a real human being. I had the pleasure of holding a human heart in my hand and I can assure you that the feeling was not the same of a sheep's heart. There were parts of the human body sculpted to show the importance of the heart and the circulatory system and how it travels throughout the body. It's amazing how far the reaches of just one organ can stretch. The heart is magnificent.
lydiany 1 / 4  
Dec 28, 2011   #2
I think you need to include more about yourself in this. You did a great job creating interest in the human heart, but I think the school wants to know more about you yourself. This is a great opportunity for you to outline your strong qualities and why they should admit you. You can definitely work it into what you have here already. How did holding the humans heart make you feel? Did it change you as a person? Help you develop any strengths? Increase your passion? Make you want to dedicate your career and life to it?
music920 6 / 23  
Dec 28, 2011   #3
Good job, your essay is very descriptive and you definitely portray your passion for the heart! However, you may want to think about making it more personal and including more details about you rather than the heart, because you probably already conveyed in your previous essay for JHU about your academic interests. Nice work though! (: Good luck! I'm applying for JHU too :D
HopefulApplier 4 / 27  
Dec 28, 2011   #4
This essay is pretty good in showing your interest in the heart. My concern is you seem a bit too formal, especially given the fact that they say it doesn't need to be a formal essay. The point of this essay is to understand you more, so you want to show them more than that you're just interested in the heart. Make yourself see more inquisitive, or something. Does that make sense?
OP Jaineel406 5 / 13  
Dec 28, 2011   #5
Okay but I feel like in the majors section I wrote about how I shared my interest for JHU

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