My major is Accounting. The prompt is as follows:
Essay Topics Topic A
I welcome every form of criticism that can help me develop my essay properly and also tell me what do you think about the essay trying to convey hardships, goals and the reason why I want to be an accountant. Also I am aware that my essay is mostly about other people but me, but I am trying to show that i have overcome negative opinions about someone that is supposed to support you and that has made me stronger and shaped me. I welcome any thoughts on how to portray what I am trying to say.
"You are a female, do not bother going to college, we all know the farthest you will get is marriage." Growing up with an uneducated mother and a father with old fashioned Hispanic values, I always considered that the lack of goals and ambition were traits woman were preordained to have. However, during my high school career I came across many female peers with big dreams such as Medical school and Civil Engineering, two careers I had been taught only men were to pursue. In light of this, my curiosity with the idea of making something of myself other than a mother, was sparked.
I am who I am today because of the negative (me trying to say low expectations) opinions my father has of me , consequently I said to myself "this is the time to prove him wrong". I have been constantly put down, God knows why, about my intellectual capacity to achieve something worthy. I have not always found support on the people I most expect it from, but that is fine because I still have my mother's and sister's support. By sisters I mean my two best friends and my 15-year-old sister. At this time, I am not only struggling to get the support of my father moral and money wise to continue my education towards a bachelor's degree in accounting, but also I am facing the loneliest and longest year of my life. Meanwhile, I am positively looking forward to start a business of accountants to help make a positive impact in the economy, therefore the world or at least my city.
Being on my twenties and literally all my friends living out of town because they made a huge effort to better themselves has utterly made a massive impact over me. About three years ago I was an average student with no initiative or goals; depressing I know. That changed when I got in touch with my friends and talked about their accomplishments, goals, and the amazing things they want to do with their lives. I realized "I can do this. Why not?" and I knew I was not preordained to get married and have children. In the midst of figuring out what am I good at, what do I like, how can I make a positive impact in the world; I noticed how I have been always trying to escape math and numbers, but I am actually good at it. Next, how could I possible make a lasting effect knowing that? The answer: Accounting!
Along with my coming of age journey I have found four perks that profit the world if I become an accountant. Tackling economic stagnation is the first advantage. This happens by helping create more prosperity, wealth, jobs, and wider the economy. Second, reduce global warming: helping businesses cut their costs by reducing their carbon footprint so that the world is kept safe for future generations. Third, ease poverty and suffering: helping businesses to grow by giving them more energy and purpose by connecting at a deeper level with the good causes they fund. Lastly, help small business owners maintain their assets afloat. How does this help the world? By keeping the family of the owner and employees of loosing income and sustainability because every business needs accountancy to be strong for the rest of the business life.
Opening an accounting firm (with the required preparedness of course) would be the stepping stone of the journey to make a positive impact in the economy. As Steve Jobs said: "We are here to put a dent in the world" and this is coming from a man who was fired from his own company and started all over again. Also the man who did not created the computer that made him successful, but most importantly he owes his success to the way he envisioned the potential change a prototype could make to the world. This just proves that the lack of vision can hinder a life changing experience or even changing the world like in Steve Jobs scenario, and that is why I envision myself doing what I love along with helping to make a small impact to the world.
To be prosperous, you do not have to be the best; you simply have to keep grinding when the going gets tough. Consequently, being at the top is a matter of who is willing to work genuinely hard for the goal as opposed to who the smartest person in the room is. I learned this through time and I have many bright and not so bright friends that I can use as an example. I want to be a role model to my younger sister by showing her that we shouldn't let others define the limits of our intelligence and that if people or life fail to support us; we should be looking for other ways to feed our dreams and encourage the hard work to get to our goals. Everybody's hardship is different and I believe that God only gives us what we can handle, therefore I am a person in development making the best out of every situation and learning what I can of experiences because that is how life works. In other words, we are the architects of our own destiny.
Hi there Carolina! I'm not sure what you are trying to say here in this statement. It feels like it's broken up into two parts; first you discuss a lack of support around your capabilities and career goals, then you move on to discussing some rather large goals in the accounting field. For the first part, I find myself wondering why you feel that it is necessary for the admissions committee to know this. The instructions say to include things that add value to your application. What value does this add? Right now it feels really negative. You want your statement to come from a positive point of view. I feel like you should really trim down this section and you'll have more room to discuss your achievements and goals.
If you want to discuss this, then I think you should discuss it from the perspective of "My parents said I couldn't achieve anything, but look what I've done." Then s how the admissions committee reading your essay what you have accomplished. That is what you should be focusing on.
Speaking of achievements, I don't see any here. Have you had any experiences related to accounting? Or any accolades at all? Even if they are not related, you can always connect them by discussing how the stills and personality traits you learned will help you succeed in accounting.
For your second half of the essay, where you discuss your goals, you've chosen some very broad goals here. It's fine to idolize people like Steve Jobs and want to make these amazing changes, but they're not very realistic right now. Also, I'm not sure why you have chosen to talk so much about Steve Jobs. It's okay to quote him but the world is very aware of his story, so you don't need to go into detail about that. If you have a plan to achieve these large goals, you should say so. Making these grandiose statements aren't going to help your application. Do you have any realistic goals? What about short term goals? Or one issue you'd like to focus on (that's the most important to you) that you can create a more realistic plan for? These are the types of things you should be discussing.
I would also try and make your essay sound more formal and professional. Right now it's reading very casual and conversational, which I'm not sure is the right tone for a statement of purpose.
I did spot errors in wording, punctuation, grammar, etc... and I can give you those corrections if you'd like; however, I think it's best to hone in on the content of your essay before dealing with those things.
