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Extracurricular Essay Public Forum Debate {Common App}


dhumph12 1 / -  
Sep 15, 2015   #1
My heart pulsed with excitement as I made my first speech. Three years later, the same infectious energy is still present every time I get on the stand. Having my computer slammed shut at one in the morning, despite my pleas that the closing argument needs to be changed, is something of a weekly ritual. Topic briefs litter my space and multiple forests have been killed in my speech editing. I know more about Algeria's GDP than last night's football game, and more than a few peers have given me dirty looks because "isn't there some sort of limit on how many times one can wear a suit." To those people I say... probably; nevertheless, debate has resulted in multiple lost voices, a stellar current events education , confidence, and most of all, a couple hours of magic each weekend.

EF_Kevin 8 / 13,677 129  
Sep 15, 2015   #2
I recognize this kind of writing.. you get into a cool state of mind when you write, I think. It's good that you know how to get into that rhythm, dancing out sentences.

one o'clock in the morning, despite --- Almost lost me for a moment because I didn't know how to read 'one'...

Try this to see if you like the same kind of brevity I like: Topic briefs litter my space and multiple forests have been killed in my speech editing. ---- Even when the modifier is a great word like multiple (some words have a funky, fun sound - multiple)... even when the modifier is a great word, I always find that the sentence packs a harder punch without it. Modifiers weaken sentences. Kill them when you can, lol. Or keep it in there, it's a great sentence as it is. I just want to share that idea of killing modifiers (especially adverbs, they are even worse). You're already a great writer so you might enjoy experimenting with killing those modifiers.

...because "i Isn't there some sort of limit on how many times one can wear a suit? " To those people I say... probably; nevertheless, debate--- great sentence at the end!

Hey, how about changing that semi-colon to a period and starting a new sentence. It's great if you end the sentence with 'probably' because it enhances the abrupt feeling you give by suddenly saying that, lol, the irony of agreeing when the reader expects you to disagree.
justivy03 - / 2,527 607  
Sep 16, 2015   #3
- To those people I say...,." probably;" nevertheless,

- ...a stellar current events of education,

- confidence,( no need for a punctuation mark when a phrase is followed by "and") and most of all,

Your essay is well written, as short as it is, it's precise and true to what it's purpose is.
More so, it's an essay that justifies the procedures and the perks that comes whenever you stand on the platform for debates and discussions that matter. On the note of minor remarks, be careful with your punctuation marks and the places you input them, they make the sentence mean more and makes the sentence send it's message across as clear as you'd want it.

Overall, it's a good essay.


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