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'An extraordinary one' My Values and Beliefs - NTU Scholarship Essay


qwertyuiopa 1 / 1  
Jan 20, 2016   #1
Hi everyone, I'm applying for a scholarship at NTU.

> Describe, in less than 300 words, the values and beliefs you hold strongly to. Please provide examples of how you have demonstrated these in your actions.

I've been planning to continue my studies overseas. That's because I want to get lots of new experience by living abroad. Whenever people asked me about where will I continue my studies, I would say that I want to go to Singapore. I heard from my friend that one of my friends were saying that I was all talk. From that day on, I was determined to get into NTU. I think what they've said about me has been my motivation to try harder to reach my goal.

In my opinion, we shouldn't let other people stop us from doing anything that we want to do. I once heard a great quote, 'Why live an ordinary life when you can live an extraordinary one'. I want to live an extraordinary life and I believe by applying to NTU, I will be one step closer to my goal.

Please give me some advice. Thank you!

ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 790 309  
Jan 20, 2016   #2
Please use a proper username so I can greet you properly.

- Before commenting to the grammatical problems, I would like to say that your essay was TOO SHORT and not developed well.
- Use your chance wisely to make the words up to 300 or nearly 300.
- your essay need more elaborations, especially the idea on how you strongly hold your belief and how you HAVE DEMONSTRATED in your actions, which means, something that you HAVE ALREADY DID.

now about the grammatical problems:

I've

That's

they've

shouldn't

in academic writing, avoid the usage of apostrophe, if you write "I have" do not write "I've".

my studies

why plural? what for? so you study over and over again? many times? in many universities?

I heard from my friend that one of my friends were saying that I was all talk

this sentence does not sound like "English", it is more like your native language.

I once heard a great quote

from who?

I want to live an extraordinary life and I believe by applying to NTU, I will be one step closer to my goal.

what kind of goal? no elaboration

You need more practices, please read more examples about this, I am sure that there are so many examples out there that you can take as a guidance, not to copy and paste it.

Keep trying and good luck!
OP qwertyuiopa 1 / 1  
Jan 21, 2016   #3
It's true that every little thing that happen to our life is what making us today. But it also depends on how you react to all the things that happen to you. It's our decision about what we wanted to be in the future. If we take the pain as something to let us down, then we will be nothing. And I think the pain and all the bad things that I have been through is something to make me stronger and wiser. I want to make everybody in this world happy because I know what pain is. I want to be someone that everybody will remember because of something great we did in our life. And to make that becomes true, I have been giving all that I have in me. When I do the tasks that my teacher gave to me, I would make it my best.

I once heard a great quote, 'Why live an ordinary life when you can live an extraordinary one'. I want to be someone that has the courage to do everything they want in life. And what I want to do in my life is to be successful in everything I do. Even if I have to fail so many times to achieve my goal. In my opinion, we should not let other people stop us from doing anything that we want to do. I want to live an extraordinary life and I believe by applying to NTU, I will be one step closer to my goal.

What about this one?
vangiespen - / 4,236 1449  
Jan 21, 2016   #4
I have not found a correct reference to either a value or belief that you hold to be true in either version of your essay responses. Your first essay was nothing more than a personal statement that was self-serving in focus and the second one, was just the same but said in a different manner. Needless to say, neither of the essays actually deliver on the prompt requirements. If you wish to address the 300 word essay properly, then take the time to truly understand what the prompt is asking you to explain in response to the question.

If you choose to answer the question based upon values then you should discuss something along the lines of your personal value system related to either personal or cultural values that you adhere to in your life. Pick one value and then explain how you have lived your life based upon that value system. Choose only one related event to discuss and develop for the response.

Discussing your beliefs should also be based upon your personal beliefs in life. These could be anything from political, ideological, social, moral, or cultural beliefs that you have chosen to live your life by. For example, a belief regarding pre-marital sex, gay marriage, or same couple adoption. Those are the more controversial beliefs that you can be discussing. The choice of how persona or controversial your response will be is all up to you.

At this moment, the essay that you have is weak and does not clearly apply to the prompt provided. It will be in your best interest to consider a revision of your response statement. Only when you have properly responded to the prompt should you pay attention to the grammatical details of your statement.


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