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"an extremely complex ecosystem" - UPENN admission essay


Bhanu4sat 1 / 1  
Dec 11, 2009   #1
We all live in an extremely complex ecosystem comprising of humans as well as other living objects such as animals,trees,forests etc.Even though we all want to be fully independent but I don't think that it is possible as I believe that we all are intricately stringed together in this vast ecosystem,more popularly known as a "community".Henrick Isben once said "A community is like a ship, everyone ought to be prepared to take the helm.".Everyone of us has a responsibility in the society and it is our duty to recognize it and try our best to fulfill it.Since it's foundation,University Of Pennsylvania has made this realization of a role in community much easier for students by providing numerous social as well as academic clubs which help the students realize ways in which they can give back their share of happiness and joy to the community.

While going through the website of the University Of Pennsylvania,I found out some very interesting communities which I think(and hope)will bring out my real self and provide me with opportunities to give back what I owe to the community.The first one that captured my attention was The Office of International Programs.Just by looking at the name of this program,I was attracted towards it and after I went through it's details I was sure that I wanted to join it.Being an international student,I am aware of all the hardships and difficulties that an international student has to face while considering an abroad university for studies,especially if he is not from a rich family just like me.I know that money does become an issue for students like me when we can't go to any coaching classes for our SAT or TOEFL preparation and have to be on our own to prepare for these highly competitive exams.I want to make life easier for these students and hence I would like to join this program and try and change the life of international student for good.

Another community that caught my eye was the Greenfield Intercultural Center.I have always believed that all men and women are equal and that any kind of discrepancy or differences between any two groups just degrades the society dividing it into smaller and thus weaker segments.I have always lived by Helen Keller's saying that " Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much. ".I have myself been subjected to some differences in my life and I know how it feels to be on the other side of it.I do not wish to see anyone else go through the same experience and so I try my level best to make this world a better place for such people who have been subjected to such meaningless differences.For the same reason,I was also a member of the group in my school where we used to go to asylums,orphanages and many such unfortunate places to try and make the lives of those people ,who are rejected by the society ,a bit more worth living.Thus I believe that this initiative taken by UPENN is one of it's most sensible as well as important one.I would love to continue what I had started 4 years ago by joining and hence would like to join this community and do my bit to help unite our human community for it's upliftment.

All these interesting communities encouraged me to research further for more such communities and I wasn't dissapointed as I found another one to my liking.This time it was The Pan-Asian American Community House.After going through it's details,I came to know about the fairness with which UPENN treats it's students,no matter from what background they may be.Such type of communities provide various opportunities to students ,who are new to the American culture and still haven't fitted in as much,to prove their talents.It underlines the policies of UPENN which include the providing of every student with equal chances to show their worth and how much they can contribute to the wider PENN community.I am vastly interested in joining this community as I believe that being an Asian myself,I will be of some use to this community and will try my best to spread this idea of equality throughout the PENN community to make it a more united and stronger society

I strongly believe that we all belong to a society and hence it is our first and foremost duty to maintain the integrity and unity of our community.We all are a part of this vast "ecosystem" and hence we all have a role to play and we should put our best efforts to realize and accomplish our roles in this society.Everyone of us can contribute in any amount of ways that is possible but whatever we do,we should do it with a feeling of selflessness and for the benifittment and upliftment of the community as a whole.We all need to start making our future better as we all have to spend our rest of the life there.

allathlete5 5 / 19  
Dec 12, 2009   #2
We all live in an extremely complex ecosystem comprising of humans as well as other living objects such as animals,trees,forests etc.__ Even though we all want to be fully independent but I don't think that it is possible as I believe that we all are intricately stringed together in this vast ecosystem,_ more popularly known as a "community."__ Henrick Isben once said "A community is like a ship, everyone ought to be prepared to take the helm.".

I think that before you send it you need to put spaces after all of your periods.. and commas... like in this first paragraph. Two spaces after ends of sentences and one after comma. Also, periods go in the quotes, and you do not need one before and after the quote. As far as i know.

But this is a well written essay other then the few little errors. Very well thought out!

I hope this helps! =)


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