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'Facebook - What kind of person had I turned into?' - Common App Personal

aerielm 6 / 14  
Dec 3, 2011   #1
Hey Guys! This is one of my choices for my common app essay. This is completely the first rough, rough draft. But i would appreciate it if you read through it and told me what you think of it. Tell me if you find any errors too! Thanks

My guidance counselor has told me, numerous times, that the essays are a crucial part of the college application; they let the admission officers get a sense of who you are. As I sat down to write this essay I looked at my computer screen and sighed. I had Microsoft word open in one window and Zuckerburg's wretched creation in another. Like most teenagers, I find myself spending a good portion of my time on facebook. It sucks me in like a vacuum and makes it nearly impossible to escape. It has mercy on no one, sweeping its powerful wrath on anyone who dares enter its deceiving blue and white walls. Facebook is the reason I stayed up until one in the morning last Tuesday writing my AP government essay instead of sleeping. Facebook is the reason my mother diagnosed me as a professional procrastinator because I seem to always be studying my friends status updates instead of my AP literature book. Facebook is the reason I have turned into a groggy eyed, caffeine addict that walks the halls as a sleep deprived zombie. I hate facebook. While updating my status about how much I hate facebook, oh the irony, I realized that if someone wanted to know who I was, all they needed to do was visit my profile. All of my interests, hobbies, relationships, friends, groups, events, pictures, likes, opinions and beliefs are all conviently located on one single web page that is easily accessible to anyone with a computer. That's when I seriously started questioning why I was even bothering to take the time to meticulously write out everything about myself on my application when all I had to do was send you guys a friend request. Because technically, it's the same concept right? That's also when I started questioning my sanity. What kind of person had I turned into? Was I really that susceptible to the typical teenage stereotype that I had become so lazy as to spend my time on facebook instead filling out the application that would determine my future? But my news feed told me I wasn't alone. Dozens of my fellow procrastinating seniors' walls were plastered with statuses of how they really should get on that application, or threats from their parents to log off or they would end up working at McDonalds for the rest of their lives. It surprises me how much the world has changed in the past couple of decades. How we could all go from payphones and message machines to having our lives consumed by a single website that we just can't get away from.

I cant figure out how to end it just right, any suggestions?
essayhelp101 - / 2  
Dec 3, 2011   #2
this is a great idea, and almost everyone experiences this, so how does it affect you personally. Maybe you can write how you have changed by writing this app and reflecting back on yourself. By writing this essay I have recently come to realize ... or something maybe. Or maybe like even after all this I still enjoy these technology that brings you together with your the community and interact with your friends. these are just my suggestions..
invokethemuses - / 1  
Dec 4, 2011   #3

You should stress less on your addiction to Facebook and more on an action that exemplifies your personality and why those aspects of your personality prepare you for college. After writing about how you've self-enslaved yourself to the temptations of social networking, elaborate on how you deleted your Facebook and sought other hobbies that extended your interests in the world beyond a simple computer screen.

Good luck.
maroon5 9 / 57  
Dec 4, 2011   #4
Okay, you are playing a dangerous game here,,,,first of all u admit to being lazy and obsessive and averted to hard work...while the concept is unique and intriguing, all i have learned from reading ur essay is that u love facebook and can't get enough of it like the millions of others out there...you should begin by speaking of your obsession with facebook and then go on to how that has affected you personally or how your epiphany opened your eyes to the dangers inherent with living a life solely based in front of the monitor...Your essay has great content that everyone can relate to and so i suggest you stick with it....Just make it more about yourself than your addiction...GOOD LUCK....i'll look over your next draft when you post it

roshan4 6 / 12  
Dec 4, 2011   #5
Good draft. I believe you should write more about negative of Facebook such as privacy, security and major issues.
blyj94 - / 1  
Dec 4, 2011   #6
Do not say you are spending your time on facebook, it is negative. I agree with Roshan4, write more about privacy and major issues (addiction)

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