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faced dyslexia, human psyche - University application essay


Arjun 1 / -  
Jan 9, 2010   #1
Hi,

below is the essay that I need to submit. I need help with the flow and content of the essay and also on the grammar. Appreciate all the feedbacks!

Thanks for your time and help.
Arjun

Discuss any obstacles and/or hardships you have encountered and how you dealt with them (500 characters WITH spacing)

As a kid, I faced dyslexia. I could not pronounce words properly or tell "b" from "d". I realised my brain was working differently. I was different. While attending special classes, I felt devastated: every kid wishes to be normal and to not be treated differently. Determined to beat dyslexia, I worked hard. Soon I withdrew from the special needs class. Since then I knew that without determination nothing could be achieved. When I look back at dyslexia, I think of it as a blessing in disguise.

Describe the reasons you have chosen to enter the major that you selected previously in this application (500 characters WITH spacing).

An enthusiastic theatre student, I thought of becoming an actor. However, at a Drama Therapy workshop I learned that certain drama techniques can be used to understand people better. My introduction to human psyche has begun. Having great passion for Literature, I analyze situations from various angles. One's ability to empathize with another is a pivotal skill for psychoanalytic problem solving. Coupled with my exposure to theatre, I concluded that Psychology would be an ideal major for me.
mpoper - / 10  
Jan 9, 2010   #2
Arjun

As a kid, I faced dyslexia. I could not pronounce words properly or tell "b" from "d". I realisedrealized my brain was working differently. I was different.

While attending special classes, I felt devastated: every kid wishesI wanted to be normal and to not be treated differently.

I think you need a different adjective than devastated. It does not really fit here. Embarrassed? Ashamed?

Determined to beat dyslexia, I worked hard. Insert something that describes how hard you had to work or specifically what you did. You should have space if you cut what I suggested. Soon I withdrew from the special needs class. Since then I knew that without determination nothing could be achieved. When I look back at dyslexia, I think of it as a blessing in disguise.

Describe the reasons you have chosen to enter the major that you selected previously in this application (500 characters WITH spacing).

An enthusiastic theatretheater student, I thought of becoming an actor. However, at a Drama Therapy workshop I learned that certain drama techniques can beare used to understand people better. My introduction to human psyche has begunbegan . Having great passion for Literature, I analyze situations from various angles. One's ability to empathize with another is a pivotal skill for psychoanalytic problem solving. Coupled with my exposure to theatretheater , I concluded that Psychology would be an ideal major for me.

This last essay is a little weak. You're saying that you want to be a Psychology major because you think you're good at empathizing with others. I think it might be a better approach to also tie in something about how you plan to use your degree - do you want to help people for example?
marpals 5 / 20  
Jan 9, 2010   #3
1) The word devastated must be changed.
2) "Every kid" sounds very typical. Make it a bit rhetorical and if possible indirect. That would sound more like you really think what you are writing.

3) Determined to beat dyslexia??? Does that really make sense? You could overcome its effects.. not beat the disease. Change the whole sentence. You dun have to work hard to seek a cure or palliative for a disease. I think its more of your mental stress I guess.


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