"Facilitating" - UC Application Essay #2 - Essay about a personal quality

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

Working with other people is undoubtedly difficult. The mixture of different ideas trying to collaborate is inherently a long and strenuous process. The group has to be able to focus their ideas into a single, concise substance. I've learned that there are many types of roles that need to be played depending on the situation a group faces. Through my experiences with working with people and in groups, the trait that I treasure the most is my ability to be an effective facilitator.

"I don't like it that way." "That color is ugly." "Why won't you listen to me?"
A group of kids shouted at one another; their sharp hand motions directed towards a shoddily constructed poster board clearly showed that they were disputing about an art project. I was in charge of overseeing this group to make sure that they were on task. Fearful that the constant arguing would affect the group, I decided to step in. I was determined to find the root of the problem and help fix it. It was apparent that the problem in this group was communication. Some kids didn't have a full understanding of what to do so they naturally disagreed with each other. This event taught me that a facilitator must be able to get everyone on the same page: it is vital that everyone in the group has a proper understanding of the objectives and requirements.

An effective facilitator has the ability to moderate groups efficiently while still promoting ideas. When I was young, I dominated group activities. I made sure that my ideas were heard and accepted. I soon found out that when I forced my ideas on other people, chiefly without the consideration of theirs, it negatively impacted our group. I learned that it is important to respect the suggestions of others because their ideas are just as important as mine. This helped me grow to become an effective facilitator because making sure the group is able to communicate well is as essential as allowing everyone to share their ideas.

I recall an experience where I had the chance to express my ability to facilitate in my high school government class. The class was split between Democrats and Republicans with each side pushing to pass their own bills while rejecting the other sides. Using the knowledge that gained about facilitating, I was able to get an agreement that benefitted both sides.

As an effective facilitator I am able to get groups onto a common ground. A ground where people have enough understanding to...

What I would like help on:
Grammar/spelling mistakes
The conclusion. It's not really finished because I don't know how to make an impacting conclusion.
To make sure it's not too repetitive and answers the prompt
I hope I have enough show, don't tell.

By knowing that the constant arguing will affect the group, I decided to step in.


Soon I found that whenever I force my ideas to the group, it negatively effect them.
A good essay but make content more fluent and strong.