My assignment is to write a personal essay... It's basically a free-write.
Please give me feedback, alternative sentences/words I could use to describe what's going on, corrections. Thank you :)! Ps. my conclusion is really weak. Needs help.
I was facing a giant. Here I was standing 4 feet, 10 inches off the ground, sweat dripping all the way from my head to my toes, knees shaking uncontrollably, and I had to lift my head, so much that my neck strained, to stare into the eyes of my freakishly tall opponent. She couldn't have been that much older than me. We were in the brown-black belt division for 10-12 year olds; the final round that determined who would get 1st and who would get 3rd place. She must have been 12 going on 13, but I could not help but wonder what on earth her parents fed her while she was growing up.
The referee called the word for start and we both began treading lightly on our feet. A kick was thrown here, a punch jab was thrown there. All our motions were as fast as lightning. I could barely catch my breath. In every move, my opponent made me feel fear for myself. We walked in circles until I realized that the whole time I was staring at her eyes. Immediately I shot my eyes in the direction to look at her legs to see what she was doing or what she was planning to do. It was too late. She did a quick switch up with her feet and heaved an ax kick over my face. "Point Red!" the referee called. I could feel my cheeks burning with humiliation. There was so much I could have done to prevent her from making a point, but I was too slow to catch on. I took a deep breath and walked back in the ring. We readied ourselves on opposite sides again for our second match. I was ready, or so I thought.
The second match was long. We both knew that if she won this time again, she'd have enough esteem to destroy me in the final third round. I couldn't let her have it too easy. I avoided her first round of kicks with the agile defense tactics I was taught by my master. I threw a roundhouse kick to her chest but it hit her shoulder and the referee dismissed it. We continued to battle for what seemed like hours. I made the hasty decision to throw another roundhouse kick but I wasn't thoughtful enough to calculate the girl's next move. As soon as my leg lifted off the ground, she swung her leg around in a spinning hook kick. Her kick was perfect; light enough for the referee to call point, strong enough for my helmet to come flying off. The crowd gasped. Now, not only could they probably feel my embarrassment but also they could clearly see my cheeks becoming a brighter shade of red, sweat now running down my face like a waterfall, and teeth clenching over what was probably the most humiliating defeat of my life. I collected myself and came back to the line where the referee would start the final round. This time I could sense that the girl's confidence was at an all time high. Her eyes were sparkling with pride. As soon as the signal for start was given she came straight at me like a Mexican fighting bull. I froze with fear as I saw her legs do a small leap and come at me with a two-side roundhouse kick. She threw a fake on my left and the real kick came at my chest. "Red Wins!" I could hear the audience cheering. I definitely did not do as well as I expected. Though I knew sparring was one of my weakest competitions, I did not imagine that I would perform with this much humiliation.
On the ride home my head was busy with thoughts of "I should've done that" or "I shouldn't have done this". There wouldn't be another competition like that for another year. The Egg Harbor competition was only once a year and it was one of prestige, calling in martial arts schools from all over the state to compete against each other in a friendly but competitive tournament. With the exception of the sparring division, I performed pretty well; 1st in Forms, 1st in Weapons, but I could not let go of the sparring competition. For a while I was upset with the referee for matching me up in such an unfair battle. The girl towered over me, how was I supposed to defeat her? But as I said my thoughts aloud, my master was already speaking of ways of improvement. Instead of agreeing that it was an unfair match, he did quite the opposite. He kept repeating words of advice and encouragement, how I should have used my smaller height to my advantage, how I could have better used my agility to avoid her very predictable attacks, how I needed to pay closer attention to her feet than her eyes. He knew that if I had a little more confidence and perseverance, I could easily beat someone like her next time. In the conversation that followed, I made the resolution to train hard so that I would never have to face such a humiliating defeat ever again.
That single match against the tall girl was my priority incentive to train rigorously during martial arts classes. If I ever started losing breath or more importantly, losing motivation, I forced myself to remember that fight and how I needed to be quick and fast to win 1st place should I ever compete against someone that tall ever again. Though I never competed in the Egg Harbor Competition after that time, I was able to learn how to spar with enough confidence, agility, and precise calculation. I learned how to predict my opponent's next move just by the slight movement of shoulders or the slight step of the foot. By the time I was 16 years old at a height of 5 feet, my abilities were continuously tested. I was sparring against guys who were almost 6 feet tall in my martial arts classes. Their muscular strength and height advantage were obvious but after much training I knew that sometimes you just don't need the physical advantages to face someone that tall; you need constant perseverance and indomitable spirit.
Every obstacle I went through in my life can be looked at as like a towering giant. When faced with an obstacle, I would, at first, be full of fear and panic. I would ask questions like, "Why me?" and "Why is life so unfair?" All I ever did when faced with a problem was blame others for my misfortunes and complain relentlessly. Looking back at my life now, I know that it was wrong for me to face my problems in that manner and I'm thankful that I changed my ways. In my senior year of high school I got in a really big car accident that could have cost me my life. My giant became the overwhelming fear of sitting behind the wheels again and also moving forward from the shocking incident. It was difficult for me to sit in the driver's seat because I had fear of crashing and dying. I went a month without driving, before I finally realized that I needed to face this with courage. It was like a repeat of the time I lost in the sparring tournament. If I were ever planning to drive again I would have to move forward from what took place, learn from my mistakes, and get back in the driver's seat.
Facing giants, whether it be facing sparring opponents or facing real life situations was not easy for me. It still is not easy. However, I realized that with continued perseverance and goals in mind, I could face anything - big or small.
The referee called the word for start, and we both began treading lightly on our feet.
I took a deep breath and walked back into the ring.
Instead of saying, 'the crowd gasped', I would say, 'there was a collective gasp from the crowd', something like that.
Now, not only could they probably feel my embarrassment, but also they could clearly see my cheeks...
...I forced myself to remember that fight and how I needed to be quick and fast to win 1st place should I ever compete against someone that tall ever again.
In my senior year of high school I got into a really bad car accident that could have cost me my life.
My giant became the overwhelming fear of sitting behind the wheels again, and also moving forward from the shocking incident.
:)
