This is the new Commonapp option#2 essay for Uni of Michigan Ann Arbor:
Please help me improve my essay.Be rude and harsh if necessary.I am yet uncertain about what title to use so i am using this:
Studying class 3 mathematics!
I was waiting in the principle's office.I sat there nonchalantly with this chesty attitude i still find hard to believe it existed in me.I was not worried about the admission test that lay ahead which would determine my eligibility as a class 9 freshman.The principle himself escorted me to the room where I'd sit for the test, and handed me the paper.It seemed like a regular exam;starting with an English essay and ending with mathematics.The essay topic was somewhat surprising:'Describe and talk about your future plans'.I completed the essay with whatever limited vocabulary i had and whatever idiomatic expressions i knew.When i moved on to the Maths sections, i was not surprised to discover that it contained only basic algebra and rudimentary geometry.What was frustrating and, to a similar extent,impedimentary was the fact that i had no idea how to work them out!.I had no math knowledge whatsoever.The principle told me and my parents that I'd be accepted only under one condition;that i'd work really hard.I had failed the math section,utterly.
The days that followed were all about life's regular pitfalls and plateaus.I started a class with 20-some students.The first period was the old, familiar mathematics.Only this time it was the not-so-familiar Pure mathematics! My colossal struggle started thereafter.Each subject i met comprised of foreign and abstract concepts.As i progressed i got progressively worse in literally every subject.Whatever knowledge i had needed revisiting, and whatever idiosyncrasies i had were thrown out the window.
During the half-yearly exams i got a G in pure maths and a U(unclassified) in General math.Going up against my peers was a lost cause.It was like sitting idle between two speeding trains; I could see my peers waving goodbye all around me as i stood impotently doing nothing.Failure was scoring against success in an open soccer field as success watched from the gallery.Was it possible for a comeback of some sort?Was the ability to turn the tables inside me?
I started with mathematics with a home tutor who had one of the biggest influences on my life.I worked day in and day out.As weird as it sounds,though not exactly embarrassing, I started with class 3 mathematics! I believed if i had to improve i had to start from scratch.I started noticing tiny specks of light at the end of the tunnel for the first time since starting high school.No later than six months, I secured an A* in general math and an A in pure math proceeding on to secure the same grades in the same subjects respectively in IGCSE the following year.It was time to come back with flying colors and show the world that i wasn't just another ordinary pebble in a beach.I became obsessed with mathematics and physics.Later down the road i started reading Uni-level books for challenge-something that excited me.
Today, i am a different person.The failure that i faced at the begining of this journey was encouraging and inspiring.It taught me that those downs in life are for a reason and that turning those downs into ups is what life is all about, that no destination is too far if objectives are clear and that each passing day that you think about it is one day closer to your goal.You just need the right thing to propel you onwards.In my case, it was the failure i set out with.
There are tons of grammatical errors in this essay(principle vs principal....), but others will help you with that. I will focus more on the content. Your content is ok, but you should talk more about your transformation process. How did you feel when you started to learn simple math again? How did you open yourself up to learning math in a way that made it exciting...What strategies did you use? Once you add these elements, and fix the grammar, this essay should be much better. -Admissions Advice Online