The lessons we take from failure can be fundamental to later success. Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?
Wrapping up my first year of high school, I learned that the marching band needed a clarinet player. My best friend, Alex, was already involved, so I happily joined. By my second day of band camp, I had already decided where I wanted to end up. Over the next two years, this desire would lead to deep regret and shape the rest of my band experience.
In marching band, a drum major is a natural, respected leader. I looked up at the podium and told myself that it would be my future. Later during band camp, however, I learned of a three year experience rule in place for drum majors. My director, a former major himself, joined his high school marching band his sophomore year, but still kept this requirement. I assured myself that I could do it. I could be the one to change his mind.
Junior year came quickly. One second I was a newbie, the next one an upperclassman. I needed to prove myself. That spring I would ask my director to let me audition. I talked with the two new drum majors, Kaitlyn and Eric, and both told me that I would make a great successor. We made plans for my request to audition and spent lots of time together outside of band. It was no longer a wish, but rather a destiny. When April arrived, my director sent out the emails regarding auditions. I wrote my request, noting my passion for the activity, my regret of not joining earlier, and how both Kaitlyn and Eric wanted me to audition. I put more heart into that email than any other message I had ever sent. My director is not one to appreciate being challenged, so hitting the send button felt like chopping off my own hand. Fear and anticipation rushed through my mind, but I had to do it. My story needed an ending. The next week, an email came. It thanked me for my interest in auditioning, and provided the materials for the audition process. A massive weight dropped off of my shoulders. I personally thanked my director for the opportunity, only to see his confused expression. Apparently he had only seen the sender names, and had forgotten what year I joined. He told me to disregard his message.
I kept my cool, but my spirit was crushed beyond belief. I felt as if my story was ruined.
I am now concluding my final season with only one competition left. Alex was selected to be a drum major, and he was a fantastic choice. While disappointed that I cannot be up there with him, it is clear that my experience means so much more to me than a simple position. I realized that struggles can generate strong motivation and friendships that last much longer than a three month season. I have so many memories with Kaitlyn and Eric that would not exist had I never been so driven to audition. Eric and I had long chats on the bus, and I ended up taking Kaitlyn to my junior prom. They were not only mentors, but friends. It is such a warm feeling to know how much they wanted me to take their place, and I wouldn't trade that feeling for anything, even a spot on the podium. I still often wish to have experienced marching band as a freshman, but my regret is no longer due to my failure to audition for drum major. Instead, it is about how I missed an entire year of potential friendships and experiences.
Over the past two years, band has become a key part of my life, and in college I will have the full four year experience. Those years will hold new friends and stories, and my high school experience has taught me to cherish every moment of it. This story has only just begun.
Thanks for reading and for the feedback!
This is a very heart warming story Harrison. The fact that you learned so much from one event in your life just shows the kind of upstanding and open minded individual you have become over the years. I could really sense your pain when the invitation to audition was withdrawn so abruptly. That was really careless on the part of your marching band coach.
However, I would have liked to have read more about your reaction at this point. This is the part of the essay where you should have developed the response to how it affected you. That single line in reference to how you reacted just isn't enough. You need to take the reviewer into the turmoil. sadness, or anger that existed within you. What was your true reaction to the situation? I know that it could not have been as simple as that. Don't skim over it. Otherwise, the lessons that you learned from the experience will tend to lose its impact upon the reader. You need to make sure that you can emotionally connect with the reviewer and the only way to do that is to strengthen your reaction to the situation.
I think that you should revise the last paragraph that deals with your last 2 years with the band. Rather than using it to segue into your future college experience, take the reader with you into these final years of band practice and participation. How did you evolve as a band member after your request to audition was rejected? Did it change the band experience for you? Do you still enjoy band participation at this point? Close the essay with a reference to the growth that experience gave you as a person. Looking forward to joining the college band is not really necessary at this point. Only the lessons that you learned and your development as a person should be the focal point of the essay.
- In the marching band,
- I talked with theto two new drum majors,
- When April arrived, my director sent out the emails regarding auditions.
- I wrote my request, notingwith the emphasis on my passion for the activity,
- year of potential friendships and experiences.
- Those years will holdThe coming years will form new friends and stories, and my
Harrison, you made this story very soft and easy to comprehend, readers and moderators will definitely agree with me that your essay is packed with heart, dedication to the craft and the power to let everyone know that failure is always coupled with success, learning and a lot of figure - things out episode. Indeed, if there's one thing life to offer, it's constant change, change for the better and the cycle continues.
Anyhow, I made a few remarks, I hope they help in enhancing your essay and by the way, avoid writing in direct translation of ideas, keep your sentence in present form.
