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"The Fainter" - Undergrad supplemental essay about a challenge

nilen 1 / -  
Dec 30, 2016   #1
Tell us about the most significant challenge you've faced or something important that didn't go according to plan. How did you manage the situation? (200-250 words)

"The Fainter" and the ToastMasters Club

My energy levels began plummeting, my vision started to blur, and my eyes slowly closed themselves. Seconds later, I woke up in the arms of the security officer.

Despite having spent weeks doing all my research work, I blacked out in front of forty delegates in the Food Security Commission at regional MUN. Within minutes, the news had spread throughout the whole school and even my friends began calling me "The Fainter". However, the horrible humiliation I faced that day did not push me to quit public speaking. Instead, I was more than ever determined to overcome my fear to face an audience again.

During the upcoming winter holidays, I joined the Plateau Toastmasters Club. Through a series of prepared and impromptu speeches, along with the unflinching guidance of the club coaches, I absorbed several techniques as I gradually learnt how to use brainstorming to guide my direction, vary my vocal tone and body language, and make pauses to keep the audience focused. I spent days and nights practicing and day by day, my oratory skills starkly improved while I gained even more confidence in myself.

The day of the nationals finally came. After three grueling days of intense public speaking and debating, I still did not win any award, but I knew I had given my best and I knew I had improved. Awards did not matter, getting over the humiliation and overcoming my greatest fear was what important.

rnsnz18 10 / 33 4  
Dec 30, 2016   #2
Your essay it's pretty good, I liked the way you introduce the story. Let's just avoid cliches like " I was more than ever determined to overcome my fear to face an audience again", it is obvious thst you did thay when you explain it in the rest of the essay, besides, the reviewers will ser sentences like that thousands of times. Or when you say "I knew I had improved". I hope you can realize what kind of sentences I'm refering to, insead of doing that jus let the reader reflect thay by himself, It will be better for your essay
Holt [Contributor] - / 9,017 2713  
Dec 31, 2016   #3
Nilen, when you talk about the Nationals. Please specify what nationals you are talking about because the reader may not be familiar with the activities of the toastmaster club. Aside from that, you should expand upon the discussion regarding how you developed from being a "fainter" to someone who was finally confident enough to speak in public. It would be beneficial if you can discuss how your experience this time around differed from the first experience you had. That is, what changed for you this time around? Why were you more confident about the speaking in public now? In hindsight, why do you think you fainted the first time at the MUN? Why were you more confident this time? The comparison will clearly show how you came to develop as a public speaker and clarifies the idea behind how you learned how to manage the situation.

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