The promt is the usual common app essay: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
I'm mot a native speaker so all input would be much appriciated.
Thanks in advance
They say the best way to learn swimming is to jump into the colder water.
I remember one late rowing practice in February three years ago. The steel pilings were covered with frost and the water could have only been a couple degrees above 0°C. I knew I was the last one on the water and the sun was about to set. The last song I listened to had just ended and my iPod started to play "Fool in the Rain" by Led Zeppelin
I saw the vessel behind me way too late. Before I realized what was happening, its bow waves had already reached me, so that I couldn't keep my boat balanced anymore and it flipped.
Falling into cold water it seems to take all air out of your lungs. For a couple of seconds you can't scream, can't breathe, can't think about anything but the cold.
I felt very similar to this again during the first few days of September 2009, when I was on a student exchange in Canada.
The very first day was rough. Being, tired from the overnight flight and only being able to understand fractions of what my host parents were talking about, I felt overwhelmed and left alone. And above all, I was disappointed in myself for having such a hard time, because I had wanted this all my life.
When I was finally lying in bed, I thought about home and this rowing practice popped up to my head. I remembered how horrible I felt then and how scared I was, but also that after a few seconds, when the initial shock was over, the water didn't seem to feel that cold anymore.
And that's exactly how I felt way in Canada too. The second day was significantly better than the first. After more days went by, everything seem to come increasingly more facile
Contrary to a lot of people who have to go to a new school where they don't know anyone, I wasn't afraid or nervous about my first day and I didn't have to be, because it turned out to be great.
The experience of falling into cold water, being all alone on the Dortmund - Ems channel had burned itself into my mind. I didn't realize until later, when I was in Canada, that I had learned something from it.
Every time you fall into cold water, the horrible it may seem, it takes only a few seconds until you can catch your breath again, grab the oars, and get back into the boat. I know that's nothing new, but it's easy to forget and whenever I hear that Led Zeppelin song again, it reminds me of that.
Maybe jumping into cold water is not the best was to swimming for everyone but it certainly was for me.
I think you have really great ideas, but they're not executed as powerfully as they could be. I am a rower myself, so I can picture your description in the beginning perhaps a little better than others, but I think you should try and implement more imagery into your essay. Try to paint a picture for the reader so they can relate to your experience more easily. :)
It is overall a good essay, good content talking about how "changing of environment" improve your life. However, I think you could say more about it. Especially your exchange to Canada, what exactly you have learned in Canada, and how exaclty does it help your life?
that I had learned something from it.
I didn't look at the Grammatical errors.
But yea, I'm an exchange student to from China to the United States, and it is very interesting to learn an American exchange to Canada. It is a speical experience, what have you learned from it culturely? or how did it improve you as a person?
Good Luck~and thanks for your comment on my essay~
