Topic: "For almost one hundred years, the Latin words, "Vires, Artes, Mores" have been the guiding philosophy behind Florida State University. Vires signifies strength of all kinds - moral, physical, and intellectual; Artes alludes to the beauty of intellectual pursuits as exemplified in skill, craft, or art; and Mores refers to character, custom, or tradition. Describe how one or more of the values embodied in these concepts are reflected in your life."
As an underclassman I had my first encounter of Vires, which helped me develop a sense of Artes, and my four years of high school helped me understand what Mores truly was.
I began freshman year joining the Bishop Moore Catholic High School marching band which became much more of a challenge than I had expected. As if dealing with homework, a new educational environment, grumpy upperclassmen, long hours of marching drills, and percussion practice wasn't enough I was the youngest member of the Drum-line and the only cymbal player. Despite all the exhausting work it became the greatest feeling in the world to march on a football field in a sweaty band uniform knowing I was doing something that not everyone would have been able to do. Through my two years of marching band I developed not only physical strength and tolerance for criticism but I also learned what it meant to be dedicated to something you love.
Unfortunately my sophomore year was full of many challenges, mostly in my family. My grandmother was diagnosed with Depression and a few months later before school ended my grandfather unexpectedly died of a heart attack. This was a period in my life where so much changed had taken place, one change that affected me was transferring to another high school. Although I was forced to give up something that I had grown to love the one thing I knew that could never be taken away from me was the significant character I had developed such as my strong sense of discipline and commitment to working hard on something. So when I entered my junior year of high school I ended up feeling like a freshman all over again at Windermere Preparatory School.
At this school I not only learned to make new friends but I also was challenged academically with the new International Baccalaureate program. It was also a time where I allowed myself to flourish through my love of the Latin language. During my sophomore year I had discovered this and enjoyed my time participating in the Latin Forum where I won an award for a contest. At Windermere Preparatory I developed my skill in this subject by not only joining the first high school Latin Club as secretary but also participating in two Latin Forums in which I won an award for each one I went to, both for a creative writing piece about modernizing a myth. Through my achievements in Latin and my love for the subject I ended up gaining a reputation that had given me a greater impact on my character.
My hope is that through all of these experiences I will be able to stand out in my own way at Florida State University along with other individuals and that I will be able to build on my character and intellect as not only a Seminole and a student but as a person.
((Positive and Negative comments on this are encouraged please let me know what I should change!!!)
Hey! I am also working on my Fsu essay so I thought I can help.
"As an underclassman I had my first encounter of Vires, which helped me develop a sense of Artes, and my four years of high school helped me understand what Mores truly was."
This is your intro so you really want ot grab the reader. I think you need to expand more in the intro maybe by using your own worde to describe what vires and artes mean to you. And you don't have to talk about all three, pick like one or two and go deep into that.
Also write how these experiences made you stronger such as with the passing of your grandfather.
And I am also in the IB prrgram for 4 years and I know how hard and at times annoying it can be but it shows you love to learn so write about your experiences in the program more to demonstrate Artes.
Overall it was a good essay and it is headed somewhere great:)
As an underclassman I had my first encounter of Vires, which helped me develop a sense of Artes, and my four years of high school helped me understand what Mores truly was.
This complex statement deserves some sentences of explanation. I think it would help to add some sentences to the BEGINNING of that first paragraph so that this sentence appears in the middle or at the end. It is a lot of information in one sentence. I know you explain it throughout the essay, but the intro paragraph should probably be better developed with a few more sentences.
Same thing at the end. The intro and conclusion should be fully expressed.
My grandmother was diagnosed with Depression and a few months later before school ended my grandfather unexpectedly died of a heart attack. ----ah, terrible. That must be a difficult time for the family.
This was a period in my life
where when...
