Uc Prompt 1: My Family, "we are the decent and honest people"

Prompt #1

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations. *

Its 5:45 a.m. I overheard a man telling a woman," give them two dollars each for school." Before you know it, a woman says "its 6:15 its time to get ready for school." Nobody listens but a girl, she comes to me and says, "hurry up I don't want to be late for school look the little one wakes up and you don't." This is a typical weekday of my life. This people define the world I come from my family. My dreams and aspirations are met thanks to them.

An education has been a primary matter in my family and believes that we need an education beyond high school to have a better life. My little sister is not aware of this but she knows she has to go to school. For my other sister a year younger than me, believes school is hard but I tell her she could overcome it if she tries hard enough. As for myself I believe in having an education, I know is not easy getting there. But I know I can do it. "There is always a proposal we came up with and that is, "The condensed path that you struggle to get in through but succeed in life or the wide path that everyone walks through but takes you no where." This helps me to know that in order for my dreams to get accomplished it's not going to be easy to walk through but its possible if I have my family next to me.

In my world we don't have everything we want, we may not be the richest or good-looking people but we are the decent and honest people. Before asking anybody else for help we ask each other first. Thus makes my family a united world that has influenced me to give me the best direction for life. There's never Perfection, you always have to face obstacles knowing this my dreams wont be fulfilled the first time but knowing my world wont let me down satisfies me the most.

There is still few hours to submit my application but i need someone to edit my personal statement i'll appreciated so much i will return the favor back thanks

could someone read it please!!

at the beginning i think there should be a space right after the comma so , "give them...for school". I think period comes after quotation marks. not sure aobut this but you might want to take out "it's" where you said "it's 6:15" because you have another its right after that. "6:15 it's time to get ready for school" gets the point across too. you might want to make it more specific, like where you say "nobody listens but a girl" you could put nobody listens but my sister. or something. it's "these people define me" not "this people" i believe... "these people define the world I come from, my family" not sure if that's a complete sentence.

i would personally put " An education has been a primary matter in my family and we believe that an education beyond high school is required to have a better life.

for my other sister, a year younger than me, she believes school is hard

it might be better to put in your sisters name rather than their age. somewhere towards the beginning you can simply state you have two younger sisters. and just continue with their names.

well goodluck! and thanks for reviewing my essay :D