This is one of my UCF essays. I would very much appreciate it if you could help edit this. UCF requires two questions to be answered and both have to be within the realm of 500 words, so about 250 words each. This essay is about 332 words. Is there anything I should take out? Thank you in advance!
4.How has your family history, culture or environment influenced who you are?
Family environment has a very big role in contributing to who you become. Your surroundings leave impressions on you and shape and mold you into the creature that you call yourself. My family environment, consisting of my mother and father's high standards and two role model seeking younger brothers, has had this same effect of molding me, into me.
My mother and father have both always set high standards for me. They have always encouraged me to take harder courses and to do everything at the maximum level possible. These constant challenges have made me into the hard worker that I am today. Besides challenging myself, my parents have also taught me to give everything my best effort and to not give up if I fail. When I was younger, if I didn't succeed in something that I ventured to do, I would always get very angry and upset and would want to give up. As I grew older and my parents behavior impressed itself upon me, I learned that I could not succeed at everything in life and that I would fail at times and the only thing that I could was get back up and try again. This is the reason that I, now, never quit anything, no matter how difficult or daunting it may seem.
My younger brothers are constantly watching me and looking to me for advice. The things that I do have a big impact on the things they do. I am their role model and I, along with my parents, have been given the responsibility of helping them turn out into good human beings. Knowing that I am always being looked up to has helped me to always try and do the right thing and has honestly made me a better person.
These few people in my life have helped me to become me. They are the reason that I am the hard working, challenge seeking, never quitting, honest and loyal person that I am today.
Hello,
This is the stereotypical answer that most applicants will submit...I mean how many parents encourage their children to set low standards? With this question, the adcom really wants to learn more about your family setting. What unique circumstances have helped shape the person you are today? Stating that your parents set high standards hardly allows them to learn more about you. - Admissions Advice Online
Family environment has a very big role in contributing to who you become.
My family environment played a very big role in shaping me into the person who I am today.Your surroundings leave impressions on you and shape and mold you into the creature that you call yourself.
You already said this idea in the previous sentence and therefore this sounds redundant :( Avoid repetition as they tend to make your reader bored.
My family environment, consisting of my mother and father's high standards and two role model seeking younger brothers, has had this same effect of molding me, into me.
This one too :( Now tell the reader what is inclusive in your family environment ... Do not repeat the same idea over and over again.
