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My Family, everything will be different in future. (UC Prompt #1)

qamar_721 1 / 2  
Nov 30, 2009   #1
I really need help with grammatical errors... Any suggestions????

Prompt #1 UC: Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

Personally, I believe that the environment and the surroundings we grow-up in define who we are and determine our personality, our behavior, and our character as an individual. Culture, traditions, religion, language, and ethnicity along with family, friends, community, and school are all part of the environment - the world - that each of us belong to. However, one of those, to me, is the important aspect in shaping who we are in life and that is the family.

Since the day we open our eyes in the world, the first thing we feel is someone holding us in their hands, careful not to harm in any way. Those hands usually belong to a close family member, and that is the beginning of their contribution in our life. In my case, I grew up among loving, caring, and tightly-bonded individuals whom I call the family. In my immediate family, I have my parents and a sibling, one older brother, who is currently attending college.

Each of the members of my family has influenced me in one way or the other. My mother was born in a tiny village in Pakistan, where people's minds are still stuck in old centuries concerning the issues related to women. Even after her family moved to a city, she did not have the permission, privilege, and access to get the education she could have. That became a problem for her later in life when we moved here - because she had not been able to learn and speak any English, she could not look for work anywhere and support the family, financially. I always recall my mother's statement that things would be a lot different if she had not been uneducated. That has influenced me to get the taste of knowledge until the very end. My father, on the other hand, did attend an old and low-standard college in a small area. But he was not able to get a degree of any kind due to family problems and that is why he never held a reasonable job. In financial ways, my father has always had a hard time in supporting us, no matter if it was back in our native country or here in the land of opportunity. At first, after moving here, he worked part-time in a grocery store earning minimum wage. Now even when he does have a full-time job, it is still hard for us to pay the rent for the small apartment that we live in and are considered as low-income family. His motivation and struggle through life shaped my future that I will have a successful career and will not have to go through what he did. My brother has also done his part, being the older of the two siblings, in supporting the family. After graduating from high school, he had no other choice, but to get a part-time job to pay for the bills. Instead of pursuing his passion with a university education, he decided to attend a community college with as less classes as possible, so that he can get as many hours as possible at work. The contribution, along with sacrifice, gave me a chance to get ahead in life early with little to worry about.

Whenever I step back and look over what my family has been through, I always hope that everything will be different in future. My world have developed and shaped me into the person I am today as well as whom I will be tomorrow.
cire9753 2 / 4  
Nov 30, 2009   #2
The beginning is very vague and not relating to you very much. Maybe its just me though...
ssuri14 1 / 2  
Nov 30, 2009   #3
I do happen to agree with cire, i believ that your first paragraph is just stating the obvious, it sort of poses as "fluff", if i may say, but other than that you second paragraph would make an amazing introduction.
doug 4 / 23  
Nov 30, 2009   #4
you didn't exactly respond to the prompt. So how have your parents' experiences shaped you, your dreams, and your aspirations. Also, what are your dreams and aspirations.

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