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How would your family, friends, and/or members of your community describe you?

Betsyy 3 / 7  
Oct 3, 2017   #1
Please guys i need help on this essay. This is my second attempt.

Prompt: Tell us about who you are. How would your family, friends, and/or members of your community describe you? If possible, please include something about yourself that you are most proud of and why. (maximum 250 words

my personal flexibility

I stared quietly at my mom who was sitting on the bed across me and I could see clearly the worried look on her face even though she tried to deny it. My dad's arthritis had escalated again forcing him out of the little job he had managed to obtain leaving her to fend for the family alone. I gently moved to where she was and told her to stop worrying, to this, she gave a faint smile.

I have always considered myself sort of a people watcher because I have the tendency to be sensitive to the mood of those around me. This attitude does not only help me determine the feelings of those around me but also to provide assistance in the best way I could.

However, this is just one part of me. There is the Elizabeth my family know; the serious minded girl who could stop halfway reading a book to tease you. To my teachers am the responsible and confident girl who could take on tasks assigned to her however difficult. On the other hand, my friends refer to me as the girl who never stops following her dreams. In addition, my classmates refer to me as the go to person when they had problems.

I am an individual with different personalities but my personal flexibility is what I am most proud of because it allows me to quickly adapt to different situations and to combine the various parts of me to produce the well balanced, compassionate, reliable and confident individual that I am.

Holt [Contributor] - / 9,011 2713  
Oct 3, 2017   #2
Elizabeth, you missed out on the description of how your community might describe you in the essay. You can probably incorporate that description in the second paragraph since the reference that you made to being a people watcher could apply to the community that you live in. You just have to develop it more to include that reference. Also, it would be nice if you could add the information about your mom staring at you. How would your mom define who you are as a daughter? I don't get a clear description of that in the paragraph. Don't try to write a collective description of all aspects required by the prompt (with some parts still missing) in the 3rd paragraph. Since the prompt indicates each aspect individually, your response should also be on an individual paragraph basis. You still have room to expand the essay and I strongly suggest you do that because, as per my analysis, you still have room to revise and grow the essay into a more relevant and prompt responsive piece of writing.

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