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family history, culture, why i apply to ucf. ucf essay - review my essay!


help1923 1 / 2  
Jul 21, 2010   #1
The essay (personal statement) is a very important part of your application which can assist the university in knowing you as an
individual, independent of test scores and other objective data. We ask that you respond to two of the topics below. Your personal
statement(s) should be no longer than 250 words each or a total of 500 words for both statements. The best personal statements
are not necessarily the longest ones. THIS COMPONENT OF YOUR APPLICATION CAN BE MAILED SEPARATELY.


1. If there has been some obstacle or bump in the road in your academic or personal life, please explain the circumstances.
2. How has your family history, culture or environment influenced who you are?
3. Why did you choose to apply to UCF?
4. What qualities or unique characteristics do you possess that will allow you to contribute to the UCF community?

2. How has your family history, culture or environment influenced who you are?

When I think about, "what influenced me to be me today?" I can always think of my family history, culture and environment around me. Because of my family, I am fortunate to have a family that has strong values and beliefs and has given me unconditional love. I have grown in a family that teaches me to live the right way. Few years ago, my dad used to smoke cigarettes a lot, so my mom always tells me that don't smoke, it is bad for you. Today, my dad quit smoking, but he always tells me to don't smoke because he had that experience of smoking and it was hard for him to quit smoke. Since my family is from Asia, they have influence me to study hard and try my best to achieve my goal.

Family Culture is another thing that influenced me to be who I am today. If it wasn't for my Asian culture, I wouldn't be me today. Since I am Asian, I have to fallow my culture even though I don't live in Korea. Everyday, Korean culture always influence me to study and be healthy.

Environment is another thing that influenced me to be who I am today. If environment was really for me, then I would turn out to be a student who doesn't follow the rules. Since I know that University of Central Florida has a good environment, I think this school is good for me to attend.

3. Why did you choose to apply to UCF?

As a high school junior, it is logical for one to consider going to college. But a very frequent question that sumps multitudes of teenagers across the nation is, where? It is hard for the seniors to choose either go to community colleges, universities, nor even private universities. Before Students choose there colleges/universities, they ask "Why should I elect this school?" or "What is so special about this particular college?" so they look at the school's reputation, education, and the environment. The reason why I want to attend UCF is because the campus is very lively, and they embody a major that I wanted to take.

Growing up in south Florida, I have a feel and a pace for the city of Orlando and other minor cities in central Florida. I wanted to stay in the state where I live so I don't have to go 1000 mile away from my family. By attending UCF, I am closer to my loved ones than I would be at any other university. In my opinion, UCF is comfortably placed where I have planned to obtain a much later career.

Likewise, I will forever know that I will be respected and managed considerably. Most importantly, UCF demonstrates entrepreneurship by their courageous offer that contending schools dare not to propose. These are the reasons of why I want to attend UCF.
tingingforever 1 / 2  
Jul 21, 2010   #2
hi help, I have read about your essays stating why you choose UCF.

BUT I think there are some flaws in your statement. When talking abt your family, you can have some sentence varieties not only "another influence on me". It might be some kinda boring...

And the reason why you choose UCF, how abt the academic atmosphere and your innermost emotions (which I cannot figure out in ur essays^^, add some??)

I am not so familiar with the application letters, but I am trying to help.. wish U good luck~~!!
OP help1923 1 / 2  
Jul 21, 2010   #3
ok, i need improvment on the 2nd essay. so how can i improve the first one?


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