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Family history & culture + why applying to UCF - UCF ESSAYS


geri2009 3 / -  
Nov 4, 2008   #1
topics
1. How has family history and culture helped you become you
2. why are you applying for ucf

1. One of the most famous quotes I have read comes from Peter Abrahams. "You can't walk alone. Many have given the illusion, but none have really walked alone. Man is not made that way. Each man is bedded in his people, their history, their culture, and their values.", what Peter is saying took me a long time to figure out, what I didn't realize before was the truth and meaning his words reflected. I can't say I come from the most wealthy, most successful family the media portrays, I say I come from the most richly cultured, caring and hard working family.

Living in a country of poverty can scar you with strength, morals and the ability to never give up. When I first stepped onto the soil of America, I already felt like an outsider. The success this wonderful country provided was the exact opposite of what I came from. Throughout my academic career my culture has been the backbone of never letting me break or fall. I never gave up when I first began to learn the English language and I never broke when the kids taunted me. My mother has always guided me ever since I could remember. She would always tell me " Nothing in this world is impossible", words that I would repeat to myself when high school got hard and when I thought about giving up.

Within every wall there lies a family with a different point of view of life, with a different character than yours and with a different set of values. Even if my family is different from yours and the next, we all share something in common-imperfection. My father began drinking at the age of 18 and that habitual act made him an alcoholic. I saw my mother suffer from the acts that my father made when he wasn't aware of himself or of anyone around him. As I watched my father over the years recover for alcoholism, I learned what is truly right from wrong. As a person I have learned to be patient, honest and most importantly to think before I act. My father's battle with alcoholism wasn't a quick one; it took him 30 years to fully recover. I saw the patience he had and the way he handled temptation, it made me learn to be a better person.

Thanks to my my mother and history, I am able to make the grades I have. I am able to pass all AP courses, and pass every exam I am given. It is thanks to the soil I have once stepped on that I have strength to keep fighting on in this competitive country and the drive to be the best I can be. It is thanks to the journey my father took that I know what is foolish and what is right, what it is to have patience and to know that nothing really is impossible.

2.
No one ever told me that being a senior would be this hard. The stress it carries and the enthusiasm it builds. When I first walked in to meet my guidance counselor I was asked to what college I was applying for. I didn't know what to say, I looked around the room and saw the UCF flag hanging and went home to do my college research. What I came across wasn't an original university, what I came across was a university that builds strong successful students and the environment that is so warm and perfect that I can see myself calling UCF my home away from home.

Academically, I am looking forward for a University that can really prepare me for my career. My goal is to become a dentist and I want a university that can help me become what I highly want. I know that UCF has a new medicine college and that is what I aspire to enroll while I am attending UCF. I know that UCF COM (College of Medicine) provides the study of molecular biology and microbiology which is vital to my career. I truly looking forward of attending UCF and taking advantage of the Medical track that UCF has to offer.

I really enjoy living in Florida and I know that it will be my home for some time. The location of UCF is perfect. I live very near UCF and that can be excellent for the my economic gain and schedule. The building is absolutely stunning and the environment is clean and welcoming. The people are very nice and of course intelligent. They take great pride in being a knight-a pride I want to express when I attend UCF.

UCF has some of the best students in Florida and it is a university that can really prepare you to become that special something you have always wanted to be. I really think that UCF can prepare to become a dentist and help me with the challenges life will give me. The people are very nice and that is something that can be beneficial to the academic and social life. The location is perfect and very close to everyone. UCF truly is my home away from home.
EF_Team5 - / 1,586  
Nov 5, 2008   #2
Good morning.

I'm not sure what kind of assistance you were looking for, so I've just made some general comments.

"...their values." W hat Peter is saying took me a long time to figure out. W hat I didn't realize before was the truth and..."

Avoid contractions in formal academic writing.
Also, make sure that your punctuation is always included inside your quotation marks when you are using them; no punctuation on the outside of the quotation marks. There should always be punctuation after the word in front of the first quotation mark though.

"I can't say I come from the most wealthy, most successful family the media portrays, but I can say I come from the most richly cultured, caring, and hard working family."

Make sure you have enough linking verbs to make your sentence structurally sound, and that you place commas after each item in your series.

"Living in a country of poverty can scar you with strength,..."
Avoid using the pronoun "you" as it is inappropriate in formal academic writing. Try using "me," "I," or "one" instead.

"...common: imperfection."

Your subject is an appropriate fit for this prompt; you have really good content here.

Keeping my suggestions from above in mind (in application to this new piece) here are some other comments:

Make sure you are capitalizing only proper nouns and the first words of sentences. As such, "University" should not be capitalized.

"medicine" should be "medical," and it shouldn't be capitalized.

Should "knight" be capitalized? Is it a proper noun?

I'm not sure what your word count constraints are, but you could add some substance to this piece. Why do you want to express UCF pride? How can UCF prepare you to become a dentist? "The people are very nice and that is something that can be beneficial to the academic and social life" is a little redundant, as you've discussed this previously. The content on this one could use a little more in-depth evaluation to make it stronger.

Best of luck!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com


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