I spent hours trying to choose a topic - for those who have tried, you know this prompt is very difficult! Please criticize it, feel free to point out flaws, I know it's all out of love. This is the third short essay (~350 words) for the Stanford Supplement, and it was definitely the hardest essay for me. For all criticisms, be sure to keep in mind that I barely make the character cutoff.
What matters to you, and why?
There have been times in my life in which I have fallen or failed, times in which I had no friends to turn to, times in which I saw my dreams as unattainable. Throughout my trials and tribulations, my family has been there for me, even when I didn't reciprocate that support. My family is a unit in which I am free to dream, to talk, to be who I want to be. Without a doubt, family matters most to me.
I come from a family of fourteen children. There is hardly a quiet moment; I am never alone. I once complained about my family, but I have come to realize that family has been the most important part of my life. Without family, I would never dream or achieve as I do. They have always been there to encourage and inspire.
I first realized this importance when I was in 7th grade. Three years before, my older sister, Sarah, had been diagnosed with juvenile dermatomyositis, causing her skin to have a constant rash and her to gain much weight. This drew much teasing from peers, and Sarah came home crying many times. I never took action. In seventh grade, I realized that Sarah is part of my family, that foundation of love and encouragement. I was ashamed that I wasn't returning that love and support. I started to stand up for her. Many "friends" responded bitterly; I became a new target. I never regretted a single action I did or word I said in defense of my sister. Whenever I did something for Sarah, I never told her - I wasn't doing this because I wanted to show her I loved her; I was doing it simply because I did love her. I continued protecting my sister even after she conquered her disease. Through this reciprocation of love, I realized the critical role family holds.
My family unceasingly encourages me and provides for me physically and emotionally. There are no words I can ever use to express my appreciation for what they are and always will be to me. Whenever I need a shoulder to lean on, a helping hand, or a listening ear, my family is always there when no one else is.
Thanks in advance for your help!
When I first read "family" in the title, I thought "Oh great, another family essay." But when I got to the part about fourteen children, I changed my mind. Normally this would be too generic of a subject to write about, but I think your family is an exception. You do a good job relating the development of your interaction with your family " I wasn't doing this because I wanted to show her I loved her; I was doing it simply because I did love her." (ps- I really like that sentence) But you might want to focus more on how exactly you need your family and how the support/love/environment they give you helps you/impacts you.
Hope this helps! Good luck!
Exactly, the 14 children part is the most interesting-you might want a word or two about what that is like, say, at dinner time-or some unique issue that presents itself with a family this large. (not the usual share the bathroom stuff-but how do you manage to do activities,? (with a parent picking you up) or organize your life? Is it noisy all the time? I too groaned at first (as to the topic) but it was very good. I think I would leave out the part about protecting your sister even after she was well, it sounds just a bit too self congratulatory, what came before was enough? Or perhaps just rework this line.
