This is my first draft. Feedback is appreciated, and I will absolutely return the favors. :)
Prompt:Choose an issue of importance to you - the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope - and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation
Essay:
Family Meal Time
While basking in the benefits of a morning off from both work and school, I was taking time the time to brew a fresh pot of coffee, and create a protein packed and balanced breakfast of eggs, turkey bacon and fresh fruit for my family. I had virtually eliminated the existence of television in my life, however, this morning was different because I was ahead in my studies, off of work, and the first in my household to rise from the bed. I decided to see what morning television had to offer these days and I had the Early Show playing in the background. With my turkey bacon sizzling, and the aroma of coffee quickly filling the house, I was astonished at the headline I overheard from my kitchen. "For the first time in history, today's children may be the first generation to live shorter lives than their parents".
Speaking to the childhood obesity epidemic, this devastating fact is due to the lifestyle habits of many American families; in particular, the absence of a traditional family meal time.
As an employee at a Starbucks that offers a drive-thru option, I have come to know many of our companies 'regulars', the people who come through as often as every morning to quickly buy them and their family breakfast on the go as they rush off to work and school. After a long day of work, school, picking the children up from school, after-school activities, homework, and household chores, it is no wonder why the hustle and bustle of typical American life has essentially eliminated the existence of a traditional, at-home, family meal time. The importance of a family meal time at home, even if just one meal per day (dinner for example), is overwhelming when looking at the immense impact it can have on a child.
Studies show that children and teenagers who do not have frequent and/or pleasant family meals at home are one-third to one-half more likely to experiment with smoking and drugs, exhibit poor grades in school and potentially suffer from depression, diabetes, and obesity. While this may seem discouraging, the solution is simple. The ramifications that come from incorporating one positive family meal, for a minimal thirty minutes per day, four to five times per week while sitting together without the presence of electronics are inspiring. The emotional well-being of all involved becomes enhanced because of the face-to-face interaction promoted while eating together, which consequentially builds communication, relational, and social skills. Ultimately, with children at risk of living shorter lives than their parents for the first time in history, the physical well-being that stems from a simple family meal time is refreshing. When consuming dinner at home, people typically consume more vegetables, use lower fat techniques, and drink less soda, all of which promote overall health. Also, when eating at home you are likely to use a tremendously less amount of salt than you would have if a drive-thru lane had been the dinner locale.
As an aspiring dietician, and someone who has partaken in both the negative and positive meal-time experiences, the vitality of this issue is un-ignorable. The issue goes beyond a personal level, to a nation-wide call for change and the reincorporation of family meal times. It is time to halt the exponentially increasing rates of childhood obesity, and take the time (as little as thirty minutes) to invest in a healthful future.Hey!
Overall I think the essay is well written, but my major complaint is that it feels very generic and not personal. I think you need to tie in a personal experience because this feels very factual and not connected. To me, this shows that you know about a topic but are not invested in it. A couple of other things as well:
"The ramifications that come from incorporating one positive family meal, for a minimal thirty minutes per day, four to five times per week while sitting together without the presence of electronics are inspiring"
It is weird to use ramifications with inspiring since ramifications has somewhat of a a negative connotation. Maybe use results instead
"As an aspiring dietician, and someone who has partaken in both the negative and positive meal-time experiences, the vitality of this issue is un-ignorable"
the issue does not have vitality because that means it is full of life, I think you want to say that it is important or that it is significant.
